people will say you’ve changed, but isn’t that the point
As a habitual line-stepper, I often challenge people on things they say. My intention is not to be a dick, but to figure out if they even know why they believe the thing they’re saying. Generally, when I pose the question, “why do you believe that?”, people get flustered. I think they get this way because they’ve adopted certain premises — from teachers, mentors, and family — without independently challenging that line of thought to clearly develop their own philosophy. We’re all guilty (even me) of carrying on with a line of thought that doesn’t serve us, but it shouldn’t be a matter of contention when someone asks why. It should be a moment of reflection.
Perhaps, the reason why such inquires seem maligned is that our beliefs are directly tied to our identity. When people challenge our beliefs, it can feel like they are attacking us for being who we are. That isn’t always the case, and we should know and be able to explain why we believe the things we do. If we can’t explain why we believe in something it is time to sit back and wonder if that belief we hold so dearly is really beneficial. These premises, ideologies, thoughts, philosophies, and beliefs all have the ability to drive our lives, either in a good direction because they are accurate and aligned to the right purpose, or toward a negative place because they are inaccurate and contradictory to what we are trying to achieve.
We’re all allowed to hold differing opinions but I don’t think that a belief has any merit if you can’t explain why you hold on to it. I think people are scared to change because their identity is tied to a certain belief system, and if they change they will have to admit to themselves that they were wrong. I can tell you first hand, that hurts, but if it gives way to a new belief you can stand behind, it’s a painful transition worth taking because it will lead to a better version of you.
We’re not meant to be the same person all our lives. We’re meant to grow, search for happiness, share our love, explore passions, and change the world. Challenging your beliefs will make you different. People are going to say “you’ve changed”, but isn’t that the point?
from what the body looks like to what it can do
We need to change the narrative from what our body looks like to what it can do. When we say we want to get fit, what we really mean is that we want to look good naked. There’s no reason we can’t excel at both, but we need to be honest with ourselves. Mistakenly putting aesthetics before function makes exercise joyless. It serves as punishment for who we’ve allowed ourselves to become. It’s an unhealthy relationship, fraught with anxiety, only carried out because we think we look fat.
We scroll through instagram for inspiration from perfect looking people for tips to lose belly fat or build a butt, as if aesthetics are all that matter. We have it all backwards. We need to embrace the joy and freedom of moving well. It shouldn’t always be about working out on behalf of your abdominals muscles. They should be working for you by moving with purpose.
facts don’t matter
There are a core set of human drives we care about, but we don’t respond if what is being offered is a direct change to one of those drives. That is why I can tell you exactly what you need to do to get the result you desire, but if it doesn’t resonate its disregarded. Simply stating facts on what needs to be done often fails because they lack an emotional connection. If we distrust a fact, we discount it.
If facts were enough to change minds, everyone who needs to lose weight or get healthy would only ever have to read one diet book. On the other hand, stories provide an invitation for change. We respond to them because they inherently offer a new way of being, providing us with the ability to change the mundane into the marvelous.
Most people think that to change your story, you have to completely adopt a new line of thinking, rather than create a life that makes what you seek self-evident. You only relive a past story because past experiences have made it evident to you. Therefore, if you want to change your life, you have to create a new story through new experiences that will solidify the narrative and make you the person you wish to become.
think outside the box
When I ask people what they’re doing to create a healthier lifestyle, most respond with some variation of “moving more and eating less.” While that’s helpful, it largely misses the point. Health isn’t only about finding ways to incorporate exercise into our lives, just as it isn’t all about cutting calories. This line of thought only seeks to change our appearance, as how we look on the outside is how we’re judged.
To genuinely improve our quality of life and overall health, we have to go beyond the current narrative — “move more, eat less.” We need to start thinking about things like fixings our sleep habits, starting a grateful journal to mitigate stress, finding a healthy recipe to cook and enjoy with someone close, buying house plants to improve the air quality in our homes, or go for a walk after a meal to help with your digestion and get some sun.
Health is cumulative. Choosing only to battle with the symptoms of a poor lifestyle — e.g., the expansion of your midsection — will never lead to an optimal life.
what’s more important — diet or exercise?
What is more important — diet or exercise? Should you prioritize diet at the expense of exercise, or eat whatever you want and move as much as you can?
If you want to be healthy, lean, strong, live a long time, and continue to do the things you love throughout your life, then a foundational focus on nutrition is the best choice. We’ve all heard that you can’t out exercise a poor diet, and it’s true. Everything we shove into our mouth eventually becomes part of us. The macronutrients — protein, fat, carbs — and micronutrients — vitamins, minerals, phytochemicals — are the building blocks for our muscles, bones, tissues, and organs. Poor choices in nutrition, lead to poor structures in our body, ultimately giving way to degeneration.
But wait… I thought exercise is supposed to fight against the aging and degeneration process!? Yes, you would be right by thinking that, but again our bodies are made of what we put into our mouth. While you can eat like shit and exercise those extra calories off to give the outward impression of healthy body, your internal processes are not able to keep up with the demand as they don’t have the necessary nutrients to elicit proper repair and recover of all the exercising you’re doing. By trying to out exercise your poor dietary choices, you are effectively burning the candle at both ends. And because I’m fancy, I’ll quote Lao Tzu by saying “the flame that burns twice as bright, burns half as long.” In other words, you’re not doing yourself any favors by going off the rails with your diet and trying to make it up with exercising more.
So what should you eat?
Nutrition should be individualized to the person and unique to their goals. If you want to know more reach out. To get you started here are a few tips everyone can agree with and incorporate:
Eat whole foods (you don’t have to shop there, just stop buying processed foods)
Eliminate all vegetable oils from your diet (Soybean, Corn, Cottonseed, Canola, Rapeseed, Sunflower, Sesame, Grapeseed oil)
Shop on the perimeter of the grocery store (the center is full of deception disguised as food)
If it comes in a box and you can’t pronounce ALL the ingredients don’t buy it (this is the deceptive fuckery)
it’s too late to get your shit together if it’s already in the fan
Strictly speaking from a health and disease standpoint, it’s generally too late to get your shit together once it’s hit the fan. The sad part is that the disease process doesn’t come without warning, nor does it happen overnight. You basically have to ignore all the warning signs that you’re approaching the edge of a cliff. And as you go over the edge, your prescriptions allow you to think you’re flying, until you’re not.
Working with clients, and personally overcoming hardships, I figured out firsthand that no one is going to be able to save us from ourselves. We have to want to change before we can expect it to happen. The first step is bringing awareness to the effect our mindset and lifestyle is having on our health and longevity. Only then can we expect change to happen.
Think about the following questions. If you’re not able to answer them with positivity, you may be heading toward a cliff.
Are you having issues managing your food addictions? Confused about what you should be eating? Or unhappy with what the mirror is telling you?
Are you under-exercising, or perhaps worse, over-exercising?
Are you not getting enough sleep, but haven’t been able to mange yourself to get the sleep you need and know it’s costing you?
Are you doing what you love to do everyday and can truly say you’re happy right now?
Are you living the life you’d live if money weren’t an objective?
healthspan > lifespan
As a society we’re living longer, but at what cost. There are more years to our life, but less life in our years. We need to understand that there is a difference between lifespan and healthspan. Lifespan is how many years you’re able to accumulate, whereas healthspan is how long you’re able to live with vibrant health and without limitations.
One way to achieve a significant healthspan is to focus on acquiring and maintaining muscle mass as you age.
Muscle is the organ of longevity. It provides you with the strength to do the things you want — walk, hike, climb, lift weights, swim, bike, and get up off the ground when you fall or better yet, save you from falling. It is largely responsible for your metabolic rate — the more muscle mass you’re able to maintain throughout your life the greater amount of calories you’re able to burn at rest, and because of this there is a greater likelihood of staving off the metabolic pathologies of obesity, Type 2 Diabetes, Alzheimer’s (Type 3 Diabetes), and cardiovascular disease. And, lastly, muscle serves as a reservoir of amino acids that the body can utilized to repair the body in times of need — e.g., when you’re laid up in the hospital.
None of this is meant to say that you need to look like a body builder to live a long and vibrant life. The point is that we need to change the conversation. It has always been about adiposity and losing weight. Never has it been about the importance of muscle. The problem with this, is that when you go on a diet in an effort to lose weight, yes you burn some fat but you’re actually losing muscle at the same time (unless you’re actively resistance training concurrently). By making the conversation fat centric and only focused on losing, we are exacerbating the problem of muscle loss.
There are only two way to stimulate muscle building, the first is prioritizing dietary protein (which is a big deal). Eating high quality protein OF ANIMAL ORIGIN will be the best option from a nutritional perspective. Adversely trying to achieve the same protein intake via plant sources is calorically devastating because you need 2 to 5 times more to elicit the same response for muscle building — e.g., 6 cups of Quinoa at 1300 calories holds the same amount of protein as 8oz of Chicken Breast at 300 calories. And that is not even going into the difference in amino acid profiles between the two (we’ll save that for another time).
The other way to stimulate muscle building is actually using your muscles. While, I am way less strict than I used to be, I think it would benefit everyone to incorporate some type of resistance training into their life. You can never go wrong with learning how to properly deadlift, squat, pull-up and overhead press. But at the end of the day, find something you love to do and keep doing it. Your body will thank you down the road for not forgetting about your muscles.
Stay strong.
Don’t worry about my mask, if you got Cheetos in your grocery cart
Don’t worry about my mask, if you got Cheetos in your grocery cart.
Please do not outsource your health concerns. They start with you and are an accumulation of all the decisions you make. The burden of health starts with each one of us. This is not to say we shouldn’t be respectful and wear a mask while in public during this time, or cover our mouths when we sneeze. However, it is everyone’s responsibility to make the best decisions regarding our individual health — e.g., eat better, move more, go to sleep earlier, and finding ways to mitigate stress.
Obviously, I’m biased, as I am the center of my own universe. Maybe she was buying Cheetos for the birds or homeless. Either way, I think we need to be clear on the subject of securing our health first.
Anytime we’ve flown anywhere we hear the familiar instruction to secure our own masks before attempting to help others in the event of there’s an emergency. We’re supposed to do this because in times of crisis, securing ourselves first, allows us the freedom of greater safety. Without securing ourselves, we are more likely to be impacted by the unknowns of the situation, ultimately leading to negative outcomes.
What does all this mean?
Take complete ownership of your health. Those most affected by this virus are the ones who are metabolically challenged, overly stressed, have preexisting conditions or a litany of other issues. The majority of these issues come from years of poor choices. Because health is cumulative, we all need to start making better choices.
how to change your life…
Take a moment to look at your life. What do you see? What story are you telling yourself? Are you thinking the same thoughts as yesterday? If you are, you’re more than likely to make the same choices today. Those same choices made today are leading to the same behavioral outcomes tomorrow. Practicing the same behaviors tomorrow will produce the same experiences, leading to the same outcomes in your future. As a result, you’ve become stuck in a perpetual cycle. And, depending on the story, it can be good or bad. Your yesterday seamlessly becomes your tomorrow. This is why the stories we tell ourselves are important.
The moment you’re able to imagine a new future for yourself, think about a new possibility, and start to create different outcomes to specific questions — such as, what will it be like to like without this pain? — your mindset starts to shift. You realize normal can be different than what it has been — less pain, less stress, less weight. To get there, you first need to be aware of where you are currently and where that trajectory is taking you (this is your current story). Once you have a grasp on your current narrative, you can better create an intention to change that story toward one of health, vibrance, strength, and longevity. Providing a sense of clarity on what you want versus what you no longer wish to experience, is a bit like a Choose Your Own Adventure book, once you know there are multiple outcomes available, you can freely change the story.
Once you understand that it’s possible to create an alternative future story — living without pain, extra weight, or risk of disease — you are no longer living in your past story. The awareness that comes with the ability to know that you can live a life you desire carries an emotional impact that is truly compelling. Excitement, hope, and an anticipation of an improved version of yourself will always outweigh any advice driven by the distraction of mere facts (your calories are too high, your cholesterol is too high, etc.) on your story. Your new story is set in motion through awareness and solidified by the emotional connection you create with the new story.
The crazy thing is that the mind doesn’t know the difference between a perceived reality and one you are actually living, therefore the intention of creating a new story captures the essence of the person you wish to become, and at the same time sets the transition into motion. When we’re presented with a new story of better health, and associate that thought with emotional anticipation of the desirable experience, we’re becoming susceptible to the end result. We’re conditioning, expecting, and assigning meaning to the delivery system — which in this case is the new story we intend to tell ourselves.
fuck you with a smile!
The first comedy special I ever saw was Eddie Murphy Raw. Fucking classic. The genre of music I fell in love with was 90’s Hip-Hop. Fucking great. And the most influential person on my career was Charles Poliquin. Fucking amazing coach. Point being there have been a lot of f-bombs in my life, so it has become part of my vocabulary to the dismay of some around me.
I get it, it’s not for everyone. But for me, it’s one of the most interesting and versatile words in the English language. There are almost 30,000 words that begin with the letter F, and it is the only one that is referred to as the F-word.
It’s the one magical word, just by its sound can describe pleasure, pain, hate, love, and exasperation.
It falls into many grammatical categories, for example:As a transitive verb; Corona fucked everybody.As an intransitive verb; Corona fucks.
The meaning is not always sexual, for example:
It can be used as an adjective; “I’m doing all the fucking work.”As an adverb; “You talk too fucking much!”As an adverb enhancing an adjective; “You are fucking beautiful.”As a noun; “I don’t give a fuck!”As part of a word; “Un-FUCKING-Believable” or “In-FUCKING-Credible”And, as almost every word in a sentence; “Fuck those fucking fuckers.”
There isn’t another word with the versatility of the word fuck. Look at how it can be used to convey the following sentiments…
FRAUD: “I got fucked at the deanship today.”
DISMAY: “Aw, fuck it.”
TROUBLE: “I guess I’m really fucked now.”
AGGRESSION: “Don’t fuck with me.”
DIFFICULTY: “I don’t understand this fucking question.”
INQUIRY: “Who the fuck was that?”
DISSATISFACTION: “I don’t like what the fuck is going on here.”
INCOMPETENCE: “He’s a fuckup.”
DISMISSAL: “Why don’t you go outside and play hide and go fuck yourself?”
And the classic, CONFUSION: “What the Fuck did I just read?”
All I’m saying is that it’s a great word. If you don’t like it FUCK YOU! :)
health comes from within
When it comes to health, the world is trying to do it on the outside, when it’s really an inside thing. We’ve been sold on the idea that anything showing up on our body externally — weight gain, skin problems, sexual dysfunction, etc. — is nothing more than a simple burden, solved by taking a pill, having an elective surgery, or slathering something on our skin. While this can “help” the situation, it does nothing to address the real issues. The things that manifest outwardly are indicative of a larger problem going on inside the body.
better with age
My birthday is this month. I’ll be the oldest I’ve ever been. At the same time, I don’t remember a time where I’ve felt better, either mentally or physically. I’ve had my share of issues like everyone. I’ve been fired from almost every job I’ve ever had, received a broken heart from every girl I’ve been with, live through years of suicidal thoughts, and was scared to figure out who I was supposed to be for most of my life. I’ve had broken bones, muscle tears, stitches, cavities and surgeries. Yet, here the fuck I am, smiling as I write this.
It seems like everything we’ve been told about getting older revolves around us having to settle for a lesser version of ourselves. If anything, I believe all my experiences, all my failures, all my scars have made me who I am today. Perhaps that’s a bit cliché, but I’m grateful for the ride.
I’m not here to sell you a special plan on how to achieve endless vitality or real self-transformation (ALTHOUGH I am available for CONSULTING ;), but that it is possible to grow into a better version of yourself. There’s no specific thing you need to do, no pill to take, no exercise regimen to complete, or guru to see. I’ve done my share of following. Some things work, other don’t. It’s a mistake to force something that isn’t truly in line with what you want. Don’t be afraid to try something else. We’re all built different, so you have to keep that in mind at every step.
don’t fly too low Icarus
The classic Greek story of Icarus, as most of us know it, warns us about the perils of not listening to an authority. In this case, his dad Daedalus fashioned wings made out of feathers and wax to help his son escape from the island of Crete. As he took off, Daedalus cautioned Icarus not to fly too high as the heat from the sun would melt the wax, causing him to fall to his death. Failing to heed his father’s warning, Icarus soared too close to the sun, falling to his death in the sea below. It’s a classic story of hubris.
This is the version of the story most of us know, as it has been told this way for the last few hundred years. Yet, the original telling of the story, dating back some 2000 years spoke of Daedalus’ more important warning to Icarus, when he exclaimed “not to fly too low as the mist form the ocean will weight down your wings and you will surely perish.”
Why the retelling?
I think it was to create good workers and keep people in line. Very few people have the courage to change the world, much less go after what they want in life. The industrial revolution needed people to follow directions so that things could be made. With that came the safety of a paycheck and the security of a good life. There was little room for those who had the hubris to dream bigger. To seek out new frontiers. To challenge the status quo.
Unfortunately, the safety of following the formula of go to school, get a job, no longer guarantees any form of security in the modern world. Acquiring debt, to buy things we don’t need, to impress people we don’t like is what keeps the story going. We work to accumulate things, trading our health along the way, and at the end we realize the things we have are not as rewarding as the experiences of creating a life — failure and all — would have been.
Narrative is everything.
We’ve flown so low for so long, that our collective narrative isn’t able to tell the difference between what we are told is good for us and what we really want. We’re disconnected from telling our own story. We don’t need to fly so high that we are scorched by the sun but our acceptance of this status quo is making us invisible to the world we want.
The real meaning of Icarus, at least to me, is to heed the warnings of those we trust, but do not be afraid to leave the safety of your comfort zone to try new things, to leave the island of the status quo and search for a life you always wanted.
a few things I learned…
I didn’t binge during quarantine, but I did learn a few things though…
I learned that no matter how good you can make someone feel, there’s no guarantee they’re going to be able to love you back.
I learned that 10 minutes of actively keeping up with the news is enough to understand what is going on in the world — more only creates confusion and stress.
I learned that some people are only your friend because it benefits them, and no matter how much you need them, they’ll never be able to help you.
I learned that it’s okay to fail, as it’s an inevitable pitstop on your road to success.
I learned that fear is just a part of life, but you can decide how often you spend running away from imaginary ghosts.
I learned to embrace vulnerability. It humanizes us. No one cared about Superman until the introduction of Kryptonite.
I learned that we are all made up of the stories we tell ourselves. If you want a different life, tell a different story.
I learned that a life driven by fulfillment, is greater than one searching for happiness.
I learned that most people will never take initiative. They’ll seek advice so they can blame someone else for their failure.
I learned that the effect I have on others is the most valuable currency there is.
Oh, and I learned that while psychedelic mushrooms provide an exponentially better experience than alcohol, LSD, marijuana, or DMT, they all pale in comparison to finding someone that truly understands you.
evolutionary experiment
Evolution doesn’t always mean progress in terms of longevity, safety, comfort or even fitness, just look at zoo animals compared to those in the wilderness. It simply means change. That change, for better or worse, is driven by our environment (what we eat, when we sleep, how much we move, where we live, etc.). Today, the human body is changing in ways we’re not prepared for. Instead of passing down robustness to create antifragile adaptations, our offspring are inheriting traits that are detrimental to our health.
Story time…
Let’s go back to the 1930’s, where Dr. Francis Pottenger carried out a 10-year multi-generational experiment on 900 cats that were explicitly fed an inferior diet. The impact from poor nutrition was not so startling during the first-generation, but became progressively worse during subsequent generations. From the second-generation on, the cats showed increasing levels of structural deformities, birth defects, impaired-mental health, stress-driven behaviors, vulnerability to illness, allergies, reduced learning ability, and reproductive problems. (poor Bootsy!!)
Why is this relevant?
Because we are running the same experiment, just on ourselves! Your back ache, digestive problems, fertility issues, depression, diabetes, and insomnia aren’t for a lack of mediations, they’re due to the poor and mismatched environment we find ourselves in. Pottenger’s work shows how the simple act of eating poorly can destroy a group in just a handful of generations. We’re up against more than inferior nutrition, yet that should be the EASIEST choice.
Is dysevolution a thing? Because if not, it’s certainly heading that direction.
fear is inevitable
Life is a series of choices based in fear or love. Most of us let fear be a guide and call it practical because what we’d really love to do seems impossible. The thing is, we can fail at the safe option just as easily as we can with the desirable one. So why not take a chance on something you love?
Probably because it’s hard, and there’s no clear path. But who really wants to live life with someone else’s map. You make choices and you fail, then you figure something else out. They say that life doesn’t happen to you, it happens for you. Who knows if that is true or not, but making a conscious decision to use those failures as opportunities. To perceive challenges as something beneficial and deal with it in a productive way that will create a path toward a life you truly want.
Fear is inevitable, but you get to decide how often you spend running away from imaginary ghosts.
mask bullies
We all have a desire to belong. The tribe we gravitate toward dictates the rules of what is or isn’t acceptable for inclusion. Once we’ve found a place within a specific tribe, we’ll defend its narrative at all costs, as anything contrary will be seen as an attack on our personal identity.
Case in point… [watch the video]
We see Kramer marching for a good cause, but since he refuses to wear the r-r-r-ribbon, he is assaulted and ostracized from participating in the group. Why? Because he doesn’t fit within the narrative of the tribe he wishes to be a part of, regardless of his good intent.
The idea seems stupid when you watch it, but this very scenario is unfolding all across the country right now. The ribbon bullies have graduated to mask bullies and they’re at war with the exposed faces of those who refuse to wear a mask. One side preaches about safety and the other exclaims they just want their freedom.
Who’s right?
Neither, because any facts presented on the matter are no match for an individuals emotional investment, especially if it allows us to feel like we belong within a tribe. You can tell a mask bully that masks are ineffective, and they’ll discount it. Likewise, you can tell the exposed, your company policy requires them to wear a mask, and they’ll dismiss it.
Because facts don’t matter, and the only way to illicit change is to construct a new narrative, let me say the following…
We are only free if we can do things without a visible objective, without justification, and outside the dictatorship of someone else’s narrative, just as we are only truly safe as a species if we allow ourselves to be exposed to the stressors of volatility and randomness that promote health in an ever changing world.
educated beyond our intellect
10,000 years ago we didn’t know the difference between our ass and a hole in a tree, and we certainly didn’t know anything about macronutrients, inflammation, cholesterol, ketones, supplements, and fasting was just something you did until you found your next meal. I’m assuming there were no diet fads other than stuffing your face when you find something to eat, which seems to be pretty popular again. AND YET, we were healthy enough to meander all the way to modern times where NOBODY can make any decisions without the guidance of a fitbit, calorie tracker, personal trainer, nutritionist, physic and a fucking magic 8 ball for when you can’t make up your mind.
Intuitively, I think we have lost something along the way. For example… all animals, except for humans, seem to inherently know when they need something nutritionally — just look at my fictional cat “Bootsy", the fluffy carnivore I adopted. He eats ONLY MEAT, except when he doesn’t. Why? Because there is some intuitive or instinctual mechanism that switches on when he needs to eat grass so that he can settle his stomach.
As humans we may be a little different. What we lack in intuitiveness, we gain through trial and error, which eventually becomes wisdom. If you stumble upon some purple berries you’ve never seen before and convince your caveman friend Gronk to eat some, then he dies, you enter that into the collective wisdom. DON’T EAT SCHNOZBERRIES. Same goes for sticking your head in a beehived, swimming with crocodiles, and playing in traffic. You only do it once. If you live, you never do it again. The result is 10,000 years of trial and error.
This brings us to modern times where, amid our ever-changing world, we have largely dismissed all our ancestral wisdom. Instead, we have come to rely on a medical system that seeks to advance health by disconnecting us from our natural past, all the while creating greater discord within our body’s. It has deceived us by saying that we are bound to a past that we know little about and linked to a future that is largely a mystery. That we are powerless. That it can save us from ourselves, if only we take this or cut that out. The double punishment is that in this deceptive process, we are losing who we are, along with the health we are tying to reclaim.
This line of thought, of dismissing ancestral wisdom, of reductionist thought, is nothing more than being educated beyond our intellect. We’ve developed a lot of fancy tools to quell a lot of fancy problems that wouldn’t have been necessary had we heeded the wisdom of our past.
fear of rejection
Some people fear rejection so much that they learn to live as some other version of themselves in order to fit the narrative of a person or group they desire attention from. I was one of those people…
I have tried to fit in my whole life. Saying yes to anything that would provide me with a sense that I mattered in the eyes of another. From relationships to jobs, I measured my self-worth with how others expected me to act. I was unconsciously seeking approval from these interactions for my entire life. It lead me down a road of heartbreak, depression, and alienation. I never knew who I was supposed to be because I was always searching for someone or something else to define me.
Who cares?
Well, I say this because I had been lost my whole life, and I’m sure I’m not the only one. I made decisions on things that were not based on what I truly wanted, but instead for how it granted me acceptance with another person or group. I was never happy. I was never fulfilled because I was always seeking external things to make me whole when the real problem was that I needed to allow myself to take control of my self-worth, my situation, and my life.
The fear of rejection was brought on by the fear of being myself. This fear lead to depression, and suicidal thoughts. I couldn’t escape them. Any happiness was shrouded by simply wanting to disappear. I couldn’t achieve happiness because I didn’t know what made me happy. I was lost. People would ask what makes me happy and I never had an answer, I don’t think I ever knew because I always let the expectation of others rule my life.
Looking back, it’s very weird not being the center of your own universe.
So what changed?
The isolation of quarantine gave me time to realize that the way I am living my life through the expectations of others is causing the issue. There’s no self-help formula here. I’m not going to try to sell you anything, but I will tell you what I did to shift my mindset. I read at least 20 different books on storytelling and worked through a book called Finding Your Purpose by Mastin Kipp, and came to the conclusion that we are the stories we tell ourselves. Our inner narrative creates the perception of our outer world. I figured out that I didn’t matter to myself, so I would seek to matter to others so I could feel I had a purpose, but because it was inauthentic it would never last and ultimately cause problems. And so it did.
don’t be a cashew nut…
Once upon a time, getting a job seemed like a good idea. Years of schooling, projects, promises, and finally graduation. You couldn’t wait until the moment when you finally had your own office so you could sit down and make the money you desired. Days turn to weeks, months turn to years, the work is never finished, so there you are, sitting in the same spot. Your eyes are tired, your back aches, and the last of your muscle tone packed up and left when you bought that ergonomic chair.
The early summer sun shines bright through the window. You mind wanders… it would be nice to enjoy this weather. However, it may as well be winter, as your body can’t tell the difference in seasons because the office temperature remains at 72° all year round. The computer screams… it’s glow catching your inattention. Placated only by the promise of your undivided attention. And, so you remain trapped by endless toil, hunched over your computer, curled up like a cashew nut.
Too many hours of mental strain, stillness, stagnation age you prematurely. As time passes, you feel your body’s energy growing stale. Your body, left sinking in that chair, inert and forgotten, yearns to be free, to go out, to move, to play. Every minute that goes by, your mood gets worse, until that moment you remember you have a spine!
Not all hope is lost. Your fate is not sealed by a domineering computer with a control problem. You fervently rise with the grace of a rusty Tin man. The glowing screen scowls, spitting its profane dialup language in your direction, ordering you to return to work. But the sounds emanating from your joints during their defiant liberation are enough to silence the machine.
You’re gone…
The hours that follow are filled with movement — squatting, running, climbing, pushing, pulling, picking heavy things up and putting them down. You rewild what has been tamed. You reunite with your barbaric nature. You remember you’re a healthy homosapien, with raw, untethered, powerful energy flowing through your veins. You’re more than just a brain, who’s sole purpose is to input data into an electronic box. You are muscles, tendons, nerves and tissue, meant to move. You feel the joy of vitality returning at last.
You may be wondering what the point of this is??
Well, besides the fact that I am trying to illustrate a story, symbolic of the relationship we all have with repetitive and sedentary lives, it’s about bringing the body and movement to the forefront. The body does not work supremely without the mind, likewise the mind can’t work optimally without the body. Movement is paramount to health and longevity. Every culture that came before us has had to come to terms with the physical dimension of existence. We are the first culture that outsources movement. Our beliefs and attitudes about our body and its need to move have affected our lives profoundly.
In the immortal words of the great Pharoahe Monch… “GET THE FUCK UP.”