141. change is hard
Change is hard. We approach the concept of positive change with good intentions, yet when we arrive at the crossroads of where we need to leave behind our old habits to implement new ones, we inevitably stumble. Whether we realize it or not, we hold onto more fear about losing what we have come to accept as ourselves — lifestyle and habits — than what we stand to gain by making the transition. If we know that implementing healthy and positive changes will be beneficial, then why is change so hard?
To answer this question we can look into the work of Daniel Kahneman, who won the Nobel Prize for his research into cognitive biases — those little hardwired shortcuts in our brains that help speed up the decision-making process. While they’re helpful, they’re not always rational. An example of this is something called loss aversion. Rationally, gaining a dollar should be as pleasurable as losing a dollar is painful. However, our brains don’t work like that and a reason why change can be so difficult. Losing a dollar bothers you a lot more than earning a dollar makes you feel good. It makes sense because losing too much can equate to you having to live in a box and evolutionarily if you lost everything that meant death, while gaining a lot is nice but its appeal quickly diminishes (due to the hedonic treadmill). So it seems that evolution has wired us to fear losses much more than we love gains.
In other words, losses loom larger than gains. Change is so hard because we have to lose a piece of ourselves in the process. We are loss averse.
140. challenging thoughts
We learned long ago to follow the rules, do what we’re told, and to not ask questions. The creativity we were born with was “educated” out of us by a system that thrives through conformity, not curiosity. We were told, don’t rock the boat; color inside the lines; stay in your lane; and follow the leader. None of these sound like a life to aspire too, but it is what we were sold. These messages seeped into our consciousness and they ultimately became the framework of how we found our way through life.
What doesn’t serve the status quo, only seeks to shake its foundations, and if those messages reverberate high enough to reach the top of the ivory tower, they’re quickly silenced. So we fall in line, and continue living within the framework we’ve been sold as truth. But what if it isn’t? What if what we are sold, isn’t helping us ascend to a greater society with better outcomes for everyone? The most troubling thing is not that whatever system we are acquiescing too is right or wrong, but that we aren’t allowed to ask. Without the ability to do so we just accept what is, falling into the trap of collective unconsciousness.
As an armchair rebel, it only makes sense, now more than ever, to seek out and identify those who are held with the highest esteem, in authority, and with domination of the messages we are continuously hearing and challenge them at all levels. Unless a justification for them can be given, they’re illegitimate and should be dismantled to increase the scope of knowledge, truth, and freedom that seems to be drifting further and further away.
So the real question is, do we have a pandemic, or an epidemic of ideas used in such an effective way that people are so conditioned to follow along and not ask questions because they have been programmed what to think, not how to think?
139. moments
It’s the moments that make us. “Should I do this, or should I do that?” It doesn’t really matter, as whatever decision you make will always be the “right” one for you in the moment. Good or bad, everything that happens as a consequence to our choices is what was supposed to happen. When we find ourselves in situations, questioning the correctness of a choice, just know that, right or wrong, the moment was made for you. Whether you’re helpless in it, or sitting on top of it, you’re right where you need to be. It’s all a learning process, that compounds with time. Those moments of decision resulting in success, struggle, heartbreak, and elation are all part of the story that makes you, You. They are what define your character and empower us to direct our narrative rather than simply being part of the story. Every moment comes with a choice, which makes us who we are. So live your life one moment at a time, knowing that it’s all working out how it was meant to be.
138. lie, cheat, & steal
There’s that feeling you get right before you’re about to take a chance on something — asking for raise, asking someone out, or even jumping out of a plane — that tries to hold you back. It fears the worst, and wants to save you from the discomfort and pain of what could go wrong. Call it fear, doubt, or even a survival mechanism. It’s a bit of anxiety we all get because we’re unsure of what might happen. Sometimes it’s good to listen to that nagging feeling. It will always keep you safe. Yet, if we let that feeling dictate our lives, we’ll end up living in our comfort-zone. And while a comfort-zone can be a wonderful place, it’s important to understand that nothing ever grows there.
If that nagging feeling won’t go away, then lie, cheat and steal your way into a mindset that allows you to experience something new. Lie to your mind, explaining that it’s just a simple task. Cheat fear by saying, you’re more scared of not becoming the person you could as a result of this experience, than the person you will remain by staying safe. And, let those ideas resonant within you, so that you can steal back the confidence you were born with and take the chances that allow you to grow.
137. welcome to earth
There should be a manual we hand out to little kids called “Welcome to Earth” that teaches them about how the world actually works. Start them off early with the idea that no matter where you came from or what you believe, life is what you make it. Above all, a first grader should be allowed to understand that his or her culture or the life they were born into isn’t a rational invention, rather is is but one interpretation of how life should be lived; that there are thousands of other ways to live, things to believe in and they all work pretty well; that all cultures, tribes, societies, and even governing bodies all function on the concept of faith that their ideals are what is best; and that there are alternatives to their own way of life. It seems like such a great idea. It provides a sense of hope that if we don’t like something, we don’t have to continue.
136. what do you see?
As we march forward through life, we have a tendency to narrow our field of vision. We focus only on the things that directly affect the life we are trying to build, and all too often neglect what can be described as “the larger picture.” In doing so, we start to see the world in one way, defining our view of life in terms of absolutes. We make the mistake of thinking that the world can only be the way it is because that is what is directly in front of us. But there are no absolutes, and each of us view the world differently, and rightly so, because we are all walking through this life individually.
There’s an old parable about the definition of life, where a group of disciples approach the Buddha with some questions about what life is. He replied, “Once there was a king who assembled all the blind men in his kingdom in a courtyard. In the center was an elephant. One at a time, each of the blind men were led forward to place their hands on the elephant’s body. One man touched the head, another the trunk, another the ears, tusks, body, tail and so on. After they were done, the king asked each of them, ‘what is an elephant?’ With absolute certainty, they each described the elephant according to what they touched. The man who touched the trunk, said an elephant was like a snake. The man who touched the tusk, said an elephant was a spear. The man who touched the tail said the elephant was a brush.” They were all correct in their definition of what an elephant is based on the input they were provided, yet with sight they would be able to see that the small piece they encountered was simply part of something much larger.
We’re all going through life, certain of what it is and at the same time oblivious to what it could be. Tightly locked into our own field of view, we can’t see possibilities that lay outside of our periphery. So what do you see? If it isn’t serving you, then it’s holding you back.
135. detours
Taking the road less traveled can make all the difference. By exploring new avenues we gain more knowledge about our place in the world and how to move through it more effectively. And yet, the road less traveled may not be what we think. For some, it will be the dirt road with an undefined destination, and for others, a clearly marked highway paved with intention. The road less traveled is simply the one we travel the least. A necessary detour to reset our common approach. The extroverted person may best be served by disconnecting with the world for a while by staying in and reading a book, while the introverted person may benefit from engaging with the world and gaining a new perspective. Some of us need to get out. Some of us need to stay in. But we all need to take a detour sometimes.
134. selfish
when i’m rich enough to not care about the money
and i’m loved enough not to care about the pain
when my worth isn’t reliant on the adulation of others
and my days are lit by the sparks of my desire
when i no longer care to contend with expectation
and instead, let passion guide my intention
i become selfish.
looking within, i can now give myself to the world
not a version built by another, in the image of the average,
strained by conformity, stamped with approval.
this stance is the measure of a man,
measured, vulnerable, confident
where identity is no longer driven by a score to settle
but impressions to make
where mortal rewards are no longer enough to pay the rent
but concepts to forget.
i become selfish
without narcissism, ego, or pride
but clarity that in this version, i can best serve the world.
…
In an effort to fit in, we often trade pieces of ourselves. But what if those pieces are the unique things that allow us to leave our mark on the world? We all want to be somebody, to someone. To be noticed, loved, seen and heard. We’ve become all too willing to smooth our edges so that we don’t upset those who we seek attention from, without realizing that inclusion comes with the risk of obscurity. Our incessant need to fit in, has made us invisible. Without actions, thoughts, speech, and ideas of our own, our individuality is lost and our influence diminishes. The best way to change the world is to lead, and you can’t do that by living within the framework set by another. You have to become selfish, in the sense that the best way to have an impact upon the world is to be you. You have to be selfish. To sell fish better than anyone else, you have to fish for yourself.
133. choose wisely
The words we choose matter. Not just in getting our point across in conversation, but in their ability to affect how we approach the world. They have the power to define the events, actions, and relationships we encounter as either good or bad, no matter the reality of the situation. The language we use sets our limits and to an extent can shape our destiny. When we constantly use words that define us as weak, unable, unfit, unworthy, less than, or as though you have no power to achieve whatever it is that you are after, you will find that that is exactly the case.
Words hold meaning, and that is why they are so powerful. If those words convey messages that are inherently limiting, you will start to believe them and act accordingly. So choose consciously and cautiously, because with precision, you can achieve things you never thought you could.
132. what doesn’t kill you…
We’ve all been hurt, but don’t let it dictate your life. The thing with pain is, you’re suppose to get over it. Say you have surgery, most likely you’ll encounter a bit of pain temporarily, but no one says they’re still in pain 20 years later, because if you were, the surgeon has done a pretty awful job.
We all experience different degrees of pain; we get rejected, fired, turned down, and heartbroken, but like surgery the pain is meant to be temporary. Our mind, just like our body can be incredibly resilient if empowered to do so. Although, in a lot of cases some past painful events still manifest a reality that causes us to suffer. Causing us to say things like, “I shouldn’t apply for that job because I was rejected last time,” or “I’m scared to love someone because I might get hurt again.”
The problem is that some of us like to frame everything as a tragedy, thinking that going through something that again would be so unbearable that you shrink the quality of your life. By doing so, the brain start to believe what you’re telling it. Your conscious insistence, leads to subconscious programming. Now your mind and body are so programed to stay away from the things that may help us grow as individuals out of fear of rejection, that we no longer have any inclination to even try something out of our comfort zone. So we remain stuck, because we are too afraid of what might be, so we just accept what is, even if it isn’t providing a more fulfilling life, at least it isn’t making your reality worse. That’s no way to walk through life. Doing so only allows us to live within a very limited spectrum of possibility.
There is wisdom in the saying, “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger,” but only if you allow it. Rejection, failure, and heartbreak can be the best thing that ever happens to you, but no one looks at it like that.
131. you or You
The difference between living a life of mediocrity and one of freedom is the awareness of the ability to slough off the image of what you’re supposed to be, so that you can tap into your passions and discover whatever it is that makes you, You. Don’t wander through this life passively because the world will define you and your purpose will disappear. You must actively decide to be the person you want to be. If you allow others to dictate what you think, or how to act, you’re going to struggle through life because it’s not You. It’s impossible to be someone you’re not, and the longer you go before realizing that, the harder it will be to live a life that was meant for you. So find your passion, follow it, and allow it to create the unique individual that You are.
130. find the value in everything
Find the value in everything. Everything that ever happened to you has been instrumental in defining the person you’ve become. All the good and bad, love and heartbreak, success and failure, brought you to where you are today. With the power of hindsight, it’s easy to look back and say, “I should have done that differently,” but we forget that it is those past choices — that we may regret now — which grant us insight to our past actions and offer wisdom with how best to move forward. If you went back and made a different choice, you would be a different person, with a different point of few, making different choices, and perhaps even making the same mistakes.
Our experience in this life, as Vernon Law put it, “is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, and the lesson afterward.” We have to have the experiences to understand the wisdom lessons otherwise we will keep making the same mistakes. So find the value in all that you do, and know that everything you’ve done, is as is should be.
129. turn off fear
Anything we do, we want the best results. No one goes into any situation wanting poor outcomes. Often times we hold ourselves back from performing our best because we are harboring feelings of fear of what might be, forgetting that worry is just a version of praying for what we don’t want. It is necessary to overcome this fear as it does not serve you, or allow you to achieve your best results. You may think that what you need is courage, but that takes a lot of energy to maintain, so it should be saved for times when you’re literally running for your life, or into a fire to save another. Instead, cultivate a mindset around gratitude. Doing so will put your mind at ease as you appreciate all you have at the present moment without letting your mind wander into the future “what if’s” of fear. You can use this practice to turn off fear at a cellular level. With a freedom from fear, you can achieve the best results.
the wrong goals
In the United States, healthcare consumes 17.5% of the gross domestic product. By comparison, residential and commercial construction combined makes up only 7.5%. From the pharmaceutical industry to insurance companies to hospitals to medical device manufacturers, it is a massive—and massively profitable—business. The health care industry is booming, and Americans are sicker than ever. The thing that most people don't understand is that industry is focused more on the bottom line than on patient care. It’s not that the people who work in these industries are evil. It’s that the companies involved have become very good at making decisions in service of a goal. And they have the wrong goals.
128. get out of your mind
We’re living in our head. Acting, and feeling, not according to what things really are, but how we perceive them. The world we see is an outward projection of the thoughts and feelings going on in our head. Just like how a movie shows up on a screen; we are projecting the world we see. We maintain certain mental images of ourselves, the world, the people around us, and behave in response to the way we see the world, rather than what the world really is. If we have internalized ideas around fear, stress, or failure, we are going to see a world composed of such things, instead of one filled with hope, success or opportunity.
The brain and nervous system that automatically react to the environment are the same brain and nervous system that tell us what the environment is. Constant feelings revolving around negativity can never serve us because they will only manifest a world of negativity. It’s never going to be a simple process to change your outlook, but a good way to think about it is; what you appreciate, appreciates. If your perspective is continuously from a victim standpoint — oh why me — then the “movie” you are projecting will “cast” your role accordingly. Alternatively, if you project a positive mindset — I’m grateful for this because… — then doors will open.
127. egotistical utilitarianism
We all talk about how the world is headed in the wrong direction, and that someone needs to do something about it. Yet, we never seem to elect ourselves to right the ship. None of us do much of anything unless it becomes personal. Intellectually, we talk about doing this or that because it makes sense, but realistically we don’t take action until it trespasses our walls and begins to affect us, our family, or those who we hold closest. Some might say that is a selfish approach to solving the world’s problems, but what if that action we hold off on taking, the one we have a personal investment in, no matter how selfish it may seem, is the right choice each of us can make to create a better world, today?
Instead of complaining about the rising tide, why not learn to swim. The seemingly selfish effort put into developing an individual skill, can just as easily be seen as selfless when we use it to help those caught in the current.
126. less impressed, more involved
In turbulent times, we always adjust our focus to what we find most important. The rather ridiculous reverence we give to celebrity, money, and status is easily supplanted by what is truly important to us with the introduction of any shock or jolt to our sense of normalcy. Whether it’s relationship issues, death, career problems, or health concerns, our focus will always be brought back to eye level in an effort to steady ourselves.
No longer blinded by the glamorous, we see the world differently. It becomes smaller, more intimate, relatable, malleable, and connected. Without a focus on mendacious bullshit, we regain a connection to a world we can truly influence and benefit from. The things we are so often impressed by aren’t simply what we wish to manifest in our own lives. It isn’t fame and fortune we’re after, but the love and freedom they represent.
Unfortunately, for the majority of us, the attention we pay to those living the high status lives we admire, comes at the expense of cultivating it for ourselves. We need to be less impressed and more involved. Instead of a far off focus, find what truly matters. Ask yourself, “if everything fell apart, what would be nonnegotiable?” That’s going to be where you need to place your attention to build the life you can admire.
125. moments
We rush through life, driven by a belief in our own insufficiency. Dissatisfied and restless, we continuously look for better days ahead without noticing the beauty in the moments we’ve been given. We’re no longer happy with what we have because the novelty has worn off, and the future’s promise of another sunrise is always waiting for our gaze. We’re convinced that something better is just around the corner, but in doing so we neglect our moments. We trade in what we have for something that might be and in doing so we miss the point that life happens in moments, not in the future.
124. saving the wrong life
Let’s be honest, we’re not saving a life worth living by wearing masks and social distancing. At best we are trying to reduce the burden to a faulty lifestyle. Despite the numbers you hear on the news, very few people’s lives have been taken specifically by the corona virus. Instead, they have fallen to the detrimental effects of their poor lifestyle choices that led them to be susceptible to something slightly worse the the common cold. If we want to continue with the narrative of “saving lives” why don’t we define what life is? It surely isn’t dragging your stressed out and fatigued self through the day on stimulants and processed foods, seeking alleviation from the pain we feel in our body and soul with medications only to find refuge, not in the natural world, but in relaxation in front of the television. Is this the life we want to save? Surely, no one wants to live like this if given the choice, yet so many people do. And so many people choose to socially distance themselves away from the real problem, which is the way we are living.
The natural way of life is advanced by taking the last iteration and improving upon it. Call it evolution or some divine plan but it’s easy to see we consistently change over a period of time. We can always argue whether it’s for the better or worse but there is momentum in one direction nonetheless. Unfortunately, with our fervent denial of the health implications of the way we choose to live our lives, we are simply trying to extend the last iteration in this progression as long as possible. It’s obvious that it is a failed belief as all of the ardent followers of the Standard American Diet have been exponentially more affected than those who have chosen a different path, and therefore a different life.
The default in nature is health, so life should be defined as one of vibrancy, enjoyment, positivity, and growth. Anything that works against this is not serving you, which is probably why you’re frightened for your health during this pivotal time. The glaring systematic failure of our current approach toward capturing health is necessary to provide the opportunity to reflect, to learn, to grow, and to overcome. This whole “crisis” we face is based on living a lifestyle where inflammation, stress, depression, etc., has become normalized. Where “health” is relative. But that’s not how any of this works. It seems like we are missing the forest through the trees.
The very life we want to save is the fundamental reason we’ve become susceptible to this health crisis to begin with. It isn’t so much the matter that covid is bad, but that the lifestyle we’ve chosen is making our connection to this virus worse. At a very basic level a virus is information the body uses to become informed to shifts in the environment. There are millions of viruses floating around at any given time that find their way into us and “rewire” our genome to better match us to our environment. Through something called Horizontal Gene Transfer, the genetic information contained within any given virus provides the body with certain genomic information to make epigenetic changes to better prepare us for an ever changing world. If we’re not aligned with the natural world because of a continued insistence on medications, or antibiotics, or any vast array of technological advancements, we are not going to receive these viral “updates” very efficiently, and as a response, they can and will cause sickness.
We’re never going to be able to optimize our health by continuing to think within the same paradigm that led us to poor health to begin with. The “life” we are trying to save needs to die.
123. start now, adjust later
We all have something we want to do. Instead of diving in with what we have at our disposal, we find reasons to wait until the perfect time when we have all the gadgets, supplies, or time we think we’ll need to start. But that isn’t how the nature of the world works. It is the nature of things to progress through acting, making mistakes, and correcting course.
A tree doesn’t plan its ascent to the sky, it just grows. Continually adjusting its path toward the sun along the way, it finds the best course.
To do anything, it’s best to simply start — right where you are. You cannot correct course if you are standing still, pondering on vicissitudes of life. You cannot change or correct “nothing.” Your absence of movement, and lack of momentum, is the reason you haven’t accomplished that think you want to do.
It’s like asking a photographer, “what is the best camera to use to capture a picture?” The best one’s will say, “the one you have,” because they know that all moments that aren’t captured are lost.
The best way to get anything done, it to start with what you have, in the moments you have them.