347: paradoxical pyramid
We’ve all seen Maslow’s hierarchy of needs: food and shelter at the base, relationships somewhere in the middle, and “becoming your fullest self” at the top. On paper it makes sense, because if you were stranded on an island, survival would come first. But none of us live on islands. We're born into families, raised in groups, and sustained by communities. We didn’t stumble into existence alone; we were carried here by others. That’s where a paradox appears: Maslow was both right and wrong. His order works in isolation, but being human means we are never only individuals. At every moment we are both selves and members of groups, and the tension between the two never goes away. Sometimes we put ourselves first, sometimes we put the group first, but the real challenge is that we are always balancing both.
Culture, however, has leaned heavily into the individual side of the equation. The pyramid itself teaches us to see personal growth as higher than relationships, as if the individual were more important than the community. But that’s a distortion. Growth shouldn’t be thought of as outranking connection. A better way to see it is non-linear: the point of developing yourself is not to climb past relationships, but to cycle back to them with more depth. When we treat the pyramid like a straight staircase, people end up chasing improvement as if fulfillment will finally arrive at the “top.” But the higher you climb in isolation, the more you risk cutting yourself off from the very relationships that make life meaningful. That’s why so many overachievers grind endlessly, delay joy, and keep promising themselves that tomorrow they’ll feel complete. Yet tomorrow never comes.
If you need proof of how vital connection is, consider this: no one takes their life because they’ve missed a meal, but countless people have because they were lonely. Hunger may weaken the body, but loneliness starves the spirit. And what’s the point of reaching a peak if you sever the ties that give it meaning?
That’s a paradox we often overlook. We are never only individuals who sometimes come together, nor are we just members of groups who occasionally break away. We are both at once. The task isn’t to choose one or the other, but to move between them — sometimes tilting toward self, sometimes toward others, always finding rhythm in the tension. Growth matters, but not as a solitary summit. It is part of a cycle: self into community, community back into self. The pyramid itself suggests a straight-line ascent toward a pinnacle, but life rarely works that way. Growth doesn’t progress linearly, it moves in cycles. We return to the same themes of belonging, purpose, and joy again and again, each time at a deeper level. To confuse growth for a ladder is to miss how it really works: we rise by returning.
Where does that leave us? Well, the first step is awareness. We can only act differently once we recognize the paradox we’re living inside. Society tells us growth is about rising above, climbing higher than others, chasing meaning as if joy can wait. But nature reminds us that growth is cyclical, it's about bringing what we’ve gained back to the circle, and about refusing to sacrifice joy along the way. Becoming your fullest self isn’t a prize at the top of a pyramid. It’s the horizon we share, visible only when we walk toward it together.