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348. why work more?

The other day I was at home, enjoying a moment of stillness. My girlfriend paused in the middle of her busy work-from-home day and asked why I wasn’t working. I told her I didn’t have any work to do. Without hesitation she said, “maybe it’s time to get another job.” She didn’t mean it harshly, but it gave me pause.

We aren’t facing financial issues. We live in a spacious apartment in one of the most expensive counties in the country. We can afford high-quality food for ourselves and our animals, and we still have enough left over for going out or traveling now and then. My work sustains my part in this lifestyle, so why would I take on more just to fill time? She didn’t suggest a hobby or some creative pursuit, her first instinct was to recommend more work. That response made me wonder how we’ve come to see work, and why our views of it can feel so different.

Her situation is different than mine. She doesn’t like her job, it takes up most of her time, and it still doesn’t pay enough to support the lifestyle she has. That lifestyle is propped up by her parents, who cover the gap. What struck me as ironic was that she has criticized capitalism and the grind that comes with it, yet she was the one telling me to take on more work. That contrast sharpened when I thought about my own perspective. I lean more conservative, working in an industry where outcomes are tied directly to effort, and yet I’m the one asking why I should chase more if I already have enough. That tension between us reflects something much bigger.

For most of human history, work was never treated as the centerpiece of life. In many societies, people worked until their basic needs were met and then stopped. If the harvest was good or wages were sufficient, there was no expectation to keep grinding simply for the sake of it. Leisure, reflection, and creativity were not seen as wasted time, they were the point of living.

The Greeks captured this most clearly. Work was considered a burden, something endured so that higher pursuits could be possible. Aristotle believed the money-making life was unnatural, a distraction from what truly mattered: contemplating one’s place in the cosmos, seeking wisdom, and cultivating expression. To him, flourishing came not from endless labor, but from the freedom to think and create.

That perspective carried into early Christian thought, though framed differently. Work was treated as duty, but in a limited sense — enough to sustain oneself, family, and community. Genesis cast labor as punishment, a consequence of Adam’s fall, while St. Paul warned that idleness was shameful: “He who shall not work shall not eat.” Thomas Aquinas added that labor was necessary only “by natural reason” to support survival. In all of these cases, the point was not to glorify work in itself, but to keep life in balance: contribution without obsession.

The great shift came during the Protestant Reformation. Luther and Calvin recast labor as a “calling,” where pouring yourself into your work became a sign of faith and a way to honor God. For the first time, labor itself was elevated as a measure of moral worth. This gave individuals freedom from the authority of the Church to mediate their relationship with God, but it also introduced a new kind of anxiety: when life’s meaning became tied to work, there was never a clear way to know if you were doing enough.

By the mid-20th century, Erich Fromm noted how deeply this change had taken hold. In Northern Europe, he observed, people had developed an “obsessional craving to work” — something unknown to free men before the Reformation. In a sense, people had traded one master, the Church, for another: their vocation. Along with greater self-determination came the insecurity of never knowing whether one’s labor was sufficient or worthy.

That anxiety hasn’t disappeared. Over the centuries, the religious frame has faded, but the expectation has not. The religious language may have faded, but the pressure to work never eased. Today, we still hear its echoes everywhere. Some voices preach duty in the form of hustle: wake before everyone else, work into the night, make work your identity. Others frame it as destiny: discover your personal calling, throw yourself into it completely, and let it define who you are. Either way, the conclusion is the same, work is the organizing principle of life, the thing that gives it meaning.

We may think of hustle culture as modern, but history seems to explain why her reaction felt so natural. She was giving voice to a worldview we’ve all inherited: that more work is always the answer. I guess I missed the memo! My work is enough, and I’m comfortable letting free time be free. She, on the other hand, may feel trapped by a job she doesn’t like and a lifestyle she can’t fully afford, so more work seems like the only answer. The paradox is that her critique of capitalism doesn’t release her from its logic, while my supposedly more conservative outlook lets me embrace a sufficiency that feels almost rebellious. It leaves me asking not why I don’t work more, but why we’ve been conditioned to believe that constant work is the only path to a meaningful life.

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314. choosing the ones we do

We all want to lead enjoyable lives with people who set our soul on fire. Yet, much of the time we trade the attributes we’re most passionate about for the security or stability of something less fulfilling — be it financial or otherwise. And while that isn’t necessarily wrong, is it right to give up on something that can make you feel better than anything else, just to feel comfortable in a relationship that isn’t truly fulfilling you? I would say no, for the simple fact that stifling your needs will never allow you to recognize your true potential as an individual and impact the world in the most meaningful way. Finding someone who can light your soul on fire provides inspiration, whereas settling for security leaves you longing for the things that can make you whole. But, I don’t speak for everybody and ultimately, it is circumstances that dictate our narratives and the reasoning behind why we inevitably choose the relationships we do.

So, while it is admirable that certain people can slough off the need for security to follow their heart, it is a bit conceited to think that those who don’t are any less. At the end of the day, we all make decisions that are right for us in the moment. Security may be what some people need to develop into the person that chases their passion in the future; alternatively, aligning with someone who inspires you into action may be the best way to feel secure and achieve the life you’re after. We’re all different. Some of us will have our hearts broken, becoming casualties in the wake of another’s transformation, but if we’re lucky we’ll find the right person, at the right time, who chooses to walk the same path and wants to share in co-creating a narrative together.

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269. positive or negative

Fundamentally, I like to think things happen for a reason. But more importantly, when they do, I like to frame those events around a narrative that serves me, rather than becoming trapped in any initial reaction to the experience I’m having. This is definitely easier when the things that happen are positive, rather than negative. Yet, no matter whether they’re classified as “positive” or “negative”, they aren’t facts, but meanings I’ve attached.

The meaning I place on past events, play a large part in how I see the future unfolding. If I got a job, only to lose it, or fell in love only to have it disappear, it’s easy to attach negativity toward these things. However, if in that job, I learned new things that made me better at what I do, I can carry that toward my next position and have greater success; likewise, if falling in love unlocked a part of me that had previously been unknown, it doesn’t disappear, I get to keep it and express it in my next relationship. Everything can build upon it self if we let it.

I think that changing how we view things that happen to us is essential to upgrading our identity, how we see ourselves in the present, and who we can eventually build ourselves to be in the future. And it all starts with the way we relate to, and construct the narrative of our past.

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267. flip the script

Most of us are so immersed in our concept of the world, so unconscious of the narrative we have constructed for ourselves, that we aren’t aware it’s just a script continuously running through our minds. We believe our script is a representation of “us” or our “true selves,” but in reality, it is just our thoughts. We feel so strongly about their truth because we practice these thoughts and ideas all day long, reinforcing their assimilation into our identity with each passing day.

It’s not obvious — until it’s pointed out — that we are not our thoughts, but we practice them so much that we start to identify with their meaning. We practice them from the time we get up in the morning, to the time we go to bed in the evening. And they’re even reinforced in our dreams as we sleep. We practice our thoughts so consistently, and for so long, that we get to the point where we aren’t even aware we are practicing them. We label these thoughts as “us,” but they’re not — they’re just something we’re thinking.

It’s important to understand that we are the thinker of our thoughts, not the thoughts themselves. A lot of the time, the thoughts and ideas that have defined who we are and how we approach the world are simply remnants of a past experience that is no longer serving us. Pay attention to the thoughts that come up automatically, you’re bound to realize that many of them are just part of the script you’ve been running forever.

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258. hard experiences

Translate your hard experiences into a mission.

We wonder what we’re supposed to do with this life. Often comparing ourselves to those who seem to have it all figured out. However, it isn’t so much that those people have it figured out as they have used their past struggles, hardships, and experiences as a catalyst to create something meaningful.

The tough times any of us are able to make it through offer a unique insight about how to overcome negative experiences, or better yet, avoid them all together. For example, some of the best doctors battled and overcame specific illnesses, only to become the leading practitioners in their field. They were able to translate their difficult experience into a mission.

Any of us can do the same. And it doesn’t have to be as grand of a gesture as saving a life. It can be anything we’ve struggled with, learned from and overcame such as a weight loss journey or overcoming depression. Our tough times are growth experiences that put us in a position to help those that face the same challenges we made it through. So if we are struggling to find a purpose, use what you’ve been through to make a difference.

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235. accept what happened

If we can translate our mess into meaning, then we can free ourselves from the burden it creates, instead of simply trying to find our way through or fix it. This isn’t the same as being overtly positive about the negative emotions or situations we encounter, rather its about accepting what has happened. Pause and learn from the situation. In this way, we can embrace those negative emotions that come from the undesirable situations as part of a larger process.

In her book entitled, Own Your Self, Kelly Brogan cites a 1,300 person study which “revealed that accepting negative emotions rather than suppressing, fighting, or otherwise papering them over led to the experience of fewer negative emotions.” It’s like the old thought experiment of asking someone not to think of the pink elephant — when we try not to, that’s all we can think about. Similarly, if we’re trying not to think about the negative consequences of the troubling experience we’re going through in our life it’s going to weigh much heavier on us than if we were to accept the situation for what it is.

Brogan goes on to say that, “when we stop fighting what we’re feeling — scared, alone, abandoned, angry — we spend less time focusing on what’s wrong in our life that needs fixing.” Whether it’s losing our job or experiencing heartbreak, the only way forward is through the acceptance of what happened, that the sun will rise tomorrow, and you will be okay.

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226. “alive”

Ever since I was little, I remember people asking me the question, “what do you want to be when you grow up?” Publicly, I would always answer with some random profession to satisfy the curiosity of whoever it was that asked, as if that’s all this life is supposed to be about. But on my own, in private, when I really took the time to think about it, I’d answer… “when I grow up, I want to be alive.”

Looking back, I’m sure if I voiced that desire many people would think of me as morbid or pessimistic, and try to throw me in therapy, however I never saw it that way. It was more about being present and experiencing the world whenever that far off time of “grown up” decided to arrive. Regardless, the sentiment served me well to get through the next stage of my life.

At one point, I was so riddled with depression and sadness that I no longer wanted to exist. Revisiting the question from time to time, always returned the same answer. Being “alive” always sounded great. And with years of suicidal thoughts, being “alive” was a great goal to shoot for.

Obviously, I made it through those times, tough as they were, and on to the other side of that stage of my life, yet the question still remains… “what do I want to be when I grow up?” I still can’t come up with a better answer to that question than to be “alive.” However, the context is different now. It’s more than the literal — breathing, eating, moving, existing in this world; “alive” — and more the metaphorical “alive” that can only be realized through finding something that lights a fire inside you like finding Love, or Purpose, or Passion, or something along those lines.

I discovered fire. I was lucky enough to have found someone that allowed me to feel “alive” in the experience I shared with her. She opened me up to see the world differently. To see myself differently. “Alive,” no longer meant just existing within the world, it shifted toward wanting to build a new one. Together with her, and for her. Being “alive” became synonymous with the Love and happiness I felt toward this person. It was transformational. I never knew how good things could feel until I found someone whose peaks matched my valleys so exactly. We fit so amazingly well. The polarity was magnetizing. Everything came easy; the words, the passion, the intimacy, the connection, the chemistry. All the feelings and emotions that romance novels and great love stories are made of. The most incredible part is that every bond we connected on, every emotion we shared only grew stronger with the time we spent together. It was fucking amazing when we were together. Truly magic, if even for a moment.

This past year has been the most transformative time in my life. It’s a combination of figuring out how love is supposed to feel, and discovering who I am supposed to be. It’s provided me with a new interpretation of what being “alive” can mean. I’ve never felt more “me” than I do right now. I’ve never felt more alive.

Over the course of my life I’ve returned, again and again, to the question… “what do I want to do when I grow up?” And, I cannot think of a better answer than to be “alive.” However, with each stage of my life it’s taken on new meaning. From my youngest years of simply wanting to grow up. To my darker years of not wanting to die. To the present interpretation of equating “aliveness” (is that a word!?) with finding, experiencing, and expressing Love. The language has always remained the same, but with new experiences, came new meaning.

So, while I’ve answered the question the same way throughout the entirety of my life, the meaning has consistently changed. And I’m okay with that. We should never be too rigid, or strict on the words we use to define our life. They are meant to change, as are we and the words we use. Any introduction to a new experience opens us up to use our language in a new way. New context can change old content. We should always look for new meaning in how we tell our story. The context can change everything. It can light our world on fire, or burn it down. It’s all in the meaning and how we choose to see things.

I hope we all find someone or something that makes us feel “alive.”

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219. actions are the answer

At one point or another we’ve all asked someone, “what’s the meaning of life?” Our ask is genuine, but also a bit presumptuous as it’s not anyone else’s responsibility to tell us. And because we are all on our own path, no answer other than our own can truly serve us. Instead, imagine the world turning it around and directing that question toward us, and our answer can only materialize through our actions. In every situation, life is asking us a question, and our actions are the answer.

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189. purpose

Wake up everyday with a purpose.

How do you know if you have purpose?

If you don’t feel like getting out of bed in the morning, then you haven’t found it. If your days are wasted on activities that fill your time, instead of create meaning, then you haven’t found it.

If you haven’t found it yet, that’s okay, but be aware that you’re wasting your fucking time on things that do not matter, and at the same time will keep you as a lesser version of who you can be.

How do I find purpose?

It starts with awareness. Who you are today, and what you consistently do is either keeping you within the bounds you’ve created for yourself, or seeks to continually extend the limits of where you feel comfortable.

Everything of beauty and awe in this life is predicated on growth, this includes you. The purpose of the flower is to bloom, just as the purpose of the caterpillar, much like your’s is to transform into something new. That newness and beauty comes from the metamorphosis, the change, the ability to redefine ourselves, and continually draw lines in the sand further and further away from our starting point, so that one day, when we look back we can’t recognize who we used to be because we are so enamored with who we’ve become.

Purpose comes with whatever makes you a better version of yourself. It’s the reason to get out of bed in the morning, its the reason not to waste time on things that don’t matter. It’s what people of lesser ambition, and who are scared to answer the call, think of as “work” when in reality, it’s just ceasing on every small opportunity to recreate our identity. Eventually, the those incremental changes become part of our purpose, creating a life built on momentum that we never want to stop.

That’s purpose.

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160. meaning

With any meaningful contemplation, we always find our way back to the timeless question: what is the meaning of life? We ask because we want a direction to follow, a beaten path to wander down where we can feel a sense of purpose, but the funny thing is no path that is already worn can provide us what we are after. It is no one else’s responsibility to figure it out for you. It is in the effort, the work, and the toil that we are able to uncover a life of meaning. We cannot be shown, instead we must discover. It is our action in every situation that answers the question. The meaning of life is the intent of our action.

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