words i can’t say
I think about you everyday
I have ever since the first day I saw you
There was never anyone else
You were everything I wanted
I broke every part of myself trying to prove that to you
Nothing worked
You weren’t right for me
I learned the hard way
That a relationship is not a bandaid
I don’t blame you for anything,
but it hurts all the same
The future I had planned for us,
I have to erase
That hurts the most
I wanted to marry you
I wanted our kids to have your smile,
your laugh
I miss those parts of you the most
I miss what could have been.
A real family
A real love story
I wish it ended differently and,
I wish it never did
But in reality, you’re the most beautiful chaos
I’ve ever known
And there’s no place in my future
for things that don’t bring me peace
Just know, that after it all,
you’ll always have a piece of my heart
because I chose to give it to you
keep it,
and know that
I will always love you
I don’t know how not to
te amo.
off topic: does love come again?
Heartbreak is never fun. The common empathetic response to those going through the drudgery of despair after a breakup is to “not worry because someone else will come along.” In general, I think it’s good advice, and in the past I would believe in it wholeheartedly. I thought the universe makes us go through the motions of relationshipping, encountering the full spectrum of emotions, peaking with absolute love and bottoming out with its ultimate loss, and then somewhere down the line you end up with the one you were supposed to be with. Maybe it’s because I live in Los Angeles, have watched too many romantic movies, and have consequently succumbed to their magic. Who really knows?
HOWEVER, I do know that I found someone that literally said; “I’ve never felt this way about anyone else.” And to be completely honest with you, I felt the exact same. We talked, wrote poems, exchanged love letters and it was established that we were in agreeance that neither of us had ever felt more alive, loved, seen, heard, and sexually attracted to each other than with anyone either of us had ever been with. Sounds phenomenal, right? It definitely was. Now, imagine having found someone that can unlock all those feelings within you, and then they leave (no one did anything wrong, but she felt she needed to live a different life, and because I love and adore her, I respected her decision).
Is there any guarantee that a love of that magnitude will come again? Maybe this is emotion, but I’m going with an emphatic; NO! And I say this, not as a young, angsty teenager, finding love in anything that looks like a hole, but as someone who has been around for nearly four decades and entered into a relationship with someone who was even older than myself. We both lived HALF our lives before we found one another and shared this wonderful experiment of love. I’m not trying to sound pessimistic, but this is why I don’t really believe that simply saying “someone else will come along,” really offers any consolation because I don’t know if I’ll ever find someone like that again. But at the very least, I know exactly what I’m after.
I have a list of rules I live my life by, one of them (which was inspired by her) is to “always love like it’s the last time.” I can’t stress this enough because you never know what is going to happen.
314. choosing the ones we do
We all want to lead enjoyable lives with people who set our soul on fire. Yet, much of the time we trade the attributes we’re most passionate about for the security or stability of something less fulfilling — be it financial or otherwise. And while that isn’t necessarily wrong, is it right to give up on something that can make you feel better than anything else, just to feel comfortable in a relationship that isn’t truly fulfilling you? I would say no, for the simple fact that stifling your needs will never allow you to recognize your true potential as an individual and impact the world in the most meaningful way. Finding someone who can light your soul on fire provides inspiration, whereas settling for security leaves you longing for the things that can make you whole. But, I don’t speak for everybody and ultimately, it is circumstances that dictate our narratives and the reasoning behind why we inevitably choose the relationships we do.
So, while it is admirable that certain people can slough off the need for security to follow their heart, it is a bit conceited to think that those who don’t are any less. At the end of the day, we all make decisions that are right for us in the moment. Security may be what some people need to develop into the person that chases their passion in the future; alternatively, aligning with someone who inspires you into action may be the best way to feel secure and achieve the life you’re after. We’re all different. Some of us will have our hearts broken, becoming casualties in the wake of another’s transformation, but if we’re lucky we’ll find the right person, at the right time, who chooses to walk the same path and wants to share in co-creating a narrative together.
309. straying
Why do relationships go wrong? Likely, when we show up as someone other than ourselves with unrealistic expectations. When we hide away parts of ourselves or feel they’re unappreciated, we seek to have them actualized elsewhere, leading to infidelity as a way to prove that those parts of us are still alive.
The only way around this situation, and to cultivate a relationship worth having, is to show up as authentically and honestly as we can. Only then are we able to fully be ourselves and seen for who we truly are. It’s the only way to transcend the stagnancy that has become the status quo within a majority of relationships; where poor communication and worse sexual chemistry, ultimately push us or our partners to look elsewhere. It’s a search to fulfill something that is missing, but if we can transition away from the commonplace idea that we need to hide parts of ourselves from our partners, or settle for partners that don’t allow us to be seen for who we are, we’ll never find somebody who allows us to cross the threshold into the extraordinary territory where boundless magnetism and infinite potential exist.
If we’re able to find a person who fits us just right, and share in the life changing results of cataclysmic self-actualizing sex, things like infidelity do not happen. It cannot happen because there is no room for it. The only place infidelity can happen is within a relationship where the couple are out of sync, to the point where their relationship has devolved into lies or worse, deception, in an effort to hide parts of themselves or their needs. Of course, we all need a place to be our full selves, and if we can’t get it within our relationships, we stray.
306. change the things you say before you start to believe them
You are not your thoughts. Saying things like “I don’t deserved to be loved” or “my life sucks” doesn’t make it true, yet the more we say these negative things to ourselves, the harder it becomes to not believe them. We’ve all experienced heartbreak, loss, pain, and challenges along the way, but just because those events are in the past doesn’t mean we’re not still holding on to their repercussions in the form of negative self talk.
Those thoughts and feelings of negativity will persist until we learn what we need to change or redefine within ourselves. They serve as a beacon of where we need to place our attention so that the pain can be dealt with and healed. If, for example, you haven’t healed from a poor relationship with your parents, you may develop the mistaken belief that you don’t deserve love, and then continue to find partners who mirror your unresolved issues around love. If we don’t deliberately start changing the things we say to ourselves, we’re destined to repeat and recreate the pain over and over again.
299. it’s about compromise, right?
People in unhappy or unfulfilling relationships often say things like “relationships are about compromise, right?” More often than not, it seems like this sentiment stems from one person feeling pressured into doing what the other wants by pushing solutions that don’t seem fair. But real compromise feels different. It doesn’t mean mutual sacrifice; it means a balancing of desires. It’s a feeling that your needs are taken into account, and even if you don’t get everything you want, you, as well as your partner, both feel as though you got enough of what you needed.
Compromise doesn’t need to be a painful experience. It largely comes down to the emotional maturity of the people we’re involved with. The best outcomes are from those who are so attentive and connected that it’s enjoyable to work things out with them. They care about how you feel, and don’t want you to be dissatisfied. And because they have empathy, they won’t feel settled if you’re unhappy with the outcome. So don’t compromise your needs, cultivate your own emotional maturity, and find someone that is willing to balance your desires.
287. mistaking attachment for love
We often mistake attachment for love. A lot of the time our sense of self is not rooted in what we see in the mirror or feel inside, instead it’s the illusion that another person can fill a void and make us whole. So in the event that they leave, or the relationship ends, the ensuing heartbreak feels like devastation because we not only lost someone we cared about, we lost a part of what allowed us to show up in the world. But the thing is, if we lose ourselves in the process of losing another, it’s likely not love that is causing the pain, but attachment to another.
The grasping and clinging we go through as the relationship starts to crumble is thought to be a representation of the depth of love we feel for another, when in reality, it’s just an attachment to the idea of them. And the more we reach out and try to hold on to that idea, the more afraid we become in losing this person, which inevitably causes more suffering in the end.
Ultimately, we need to understand where our feelings come from. Attachment will always feel exponentially worse because when a person leaves, they take a piece of us with them; whereas if it’s love, it’s still going to hurt, but that pain is going to come from the loss of something beautifully shared, not a loss of a sense of self.
286. settling for familiar
When it comes to love, there are people who are going to be better for you than others. Unfortunately, sometimes our right person may have already met, and established a relationship with, the wrong one. And you know it’s the wrong one because they stray far enough from their situation to stumble into you. And all that you offer one another, brings you closer, makes you feel alive, fulfilled, and inspired.
Yet, no matter how much love, chemistry, and connection that is shared between the both of you, there is never a guarantee you two will exist together, strictly for one another. It would mean, the one person in the wrong relationship would have to leave, and it’s never that easy. Largely because most of our decisions are based on familiarity. It’s easier to deal with any situation, even if it is less than ideal, when you know what to expect. And familiarity is so powerful that it can cause us to turn down the right person for the wrong one.
Some people realize what needs to be done and make the jump, other people choose to stay where they are because it’s familiar. In either situation, there are differing definitions of success and failure, so there’s no right or wrong answer to the question of what is the best course of action. But the thing is, if we’re settling for familiarity, ease, and comfort, simply out of the fear of having to struggle a little to find equilibrium in a better environment, how can we ever expect to have the things, feelings, relationships, connections, love, or successes we want?
282. better interactions
Most of the problems we encounter with one another arise from our lack of clear and concise communication. Here are a few tips to think about when we’re interacting with someone. Hopefully, with a greater awareness of our thoughts and the words we choose to express them, we can create better, more productive conversations.
Be willing to ask for help.
- Ask for help whenever you need to.
- Remind yourself that if you need something, most people will be happy to help if they can.
- Use clear, intimate communication to ask for what you want, explaining your feelings and the reasons behind your request.
- Trust that most people will listen if you ask them to.
Be yourself, whether people accept you or not.
- State your thoughts clearly and politely, without malice, and do not try to control how people receive it.
- Do not give more energy than you really have.
- Instead of trying to please, give other people a true indication of how you feel.
- Don't volunteer for something if you think you'll resent it later.
- If someone says something you find offensive, you don't need to let the statement go. Try to offer an alternative viewpoint, but don't base the success of the conversation on whether you can change the other person's mind.
Sustaining and appreciating emotional connections.
- Make a point of keeping in touch with people you care about, and returning their messages.
- Think of yourself as someone who can give and receive help from your community of friends.
- Even when people aren't saying the "right" thing, tune into whether they're trying to help. If their effort feels genuine, and makes you feel emotionally nurtured, express your gratitude.
- When someone irritates you, do not say the first thing that comes to mind, think about what you can say to improve the situation and create a mutual understanding. If necessary, wait until you cool off and then ask if the other person is willing to revisit the situation.
Have reasonable expectations.
- Keep in mind that being perfect isn't always necessary. Getting things done is often better than obsessing over getting everything perfect. Adjustments can usually be made after the fact.
- When you get tired, rest or do something different. Your level of physical energy and focus will alert you to when you're doing too much. Don't wait for an accident or produce poor quality work if your head isn't in it.
- When you make a mistake, just remember you're human. Even if you think you've anticipated everything, there will always be unexpected hurdles from time to time.
- Remember that everyone is responsible for their own feelings and for expressing their needs clearly. Beyond common courtesy, it isn't up to you to guess what others want.
Communicate clearly and actively seek preferred outcomes.
- Don't expect people to know what you need unless you tell them. Having someone care about you doesn't mean they automatically know what you're feeling.
- If the people closest to you upset you, use the feelings of pain to identify your underlying need. Then use clear, intimate communication to provide guidance on how they could give it to you.
- When your feelings are hurt, try to understand your reaction first. Did something trigger feelings from your past, or did the person really treat you insensitively? If someone was insensitive, ask them to hear you out.
- Be thoughtful to other people, and if they aren't thoughtful in return, ask them to be more considerate in the future, and then let it go.
- Ask for something as many times as it takes to get a clear answer.
- When you get tired of interacting, politely speak up, asking if there is anyway to continue at another time. Kindly explain that your capacity has been reached at the moment.
280. right person, wrong time
What happens if you find the right person at the wrong time? When I say the right person, I mean someone who you share a connection with that is unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. Exciting, but familiar. Comfortable, but never boring. Inspired, but safe in being who you are. There’s a perfect match in polarity. What you lack is uplifted by the other, and vice versa. Where physical attraction, spiritual passion, and sexual desire only grow deeper with each meeting. And no matter the space in between those shared times together, it’s like no time had passed at all. It’s everything that you read about in love stories and watch in romantic movies come true. Now condense all that down into one person, and that’s what I mean when I say the right person. Such a presence. And so hard to deny.
What if, you find someone who gives you all these things, and who says you do all the same for them, but that person is in a relationship with someone else? And it’s very unlikely that you’ll ever be together to realize your full potential because there are so many variables standing in your way. What is the right course of action for times like this? Am I supposed to walk away because it’s never going to happen or continue to fight for the best feeling I’ve ever had with another human being? It’s sad and tragic to think that the universe would deliver this beautiful person to me, who provides everything I need to be the person I aspire to become, yet I’ll never be able to truly exist with them. It’s the classic case of the “right person at the wrong time.”
276. authentic love
Something I’ve learned is that for a relationship to work, and more importantly have the potential to thrive, it can’t be used as a means to fill any voids or wounds caused by our past. If either participant is looking for rescue or validation through the love of another, the relationship isn’t going to work.
A healthy relationship is one that can provide a welcoming space for mutual evolution. This sentiment is, as Dr. Nicole LePera puts it, “the essence of authentic love.” She goes on to say that, “when two people allow each other the freedom and support to be fully seen, heard, and Self expressed, authentic love doesn’t feel like an emotional roller coaster; it feels like peace and an inner knowing that you are both choosing to show up from a place of mutual respect and admiration.”
Authentic love is one that feels more like home, than a drug. It definitely has the power to take you on a ride, but it’s not going to create dependence. Any high comes from the realization that life is better with this person, not because of them. It’s rooted in the awareness that this person isn’t there to fix you, heal you, or make up for all the traumas you’ve experienced in your past, but with this person around, sharing a life is much more enjoyable and because of this there is always an inspiration for continual growth, both independently and as a couple.
268. “made me feel”
We frequently use the words “made me feel.” We’ll say something like; this person made me feel bad because of what they said.
We use these words for their ease. They require no introspection of their use. We believe we’re just a simple bystander to the events that happen to us. Saying “made me feel” absolves us from the responsibility of having to understand where spontaneous feelings are coming from. But the thing is, no one outside of ourselves has the power to make us feel a certain way. The feelings of anger, frustration, anxiety, sadness, and even love are all coming from within you. Whatever triggers their response is what we need to call attention to, sit with, and explore.
In other words, the input doesn’t determine the output. Our response to what someone says or does to us, is our response. No one can insert a feeling within us. The sooner we realize this, the sooner we can stop making the mistake that other people can exert some level of control over how we feel or operate in our daily lives, and take the responsibility to create the interactions we want.
260. a bucket of love
We’re attracted to people because they feel familiar.
We’re always trying to find what we didn’t receive from our parents, in people that are just like them. We don’t consciously make the choice to fall for someone just like our mother or father — in fact, if asked, I’m sure we would all agree that when searching for a partner, we want nothing that reminds us of our parents — but subconsciously we gravitate toward those people that most resemble them because the only way we can make sense of this world is by finding someone to fill the holes left by the ones that were most impressionable on us. Whether we are aware of it or not, they remind us of where we came from, what we miss, and what we need to fulfill.
Sometimes this works, sometimes it doesn’t. It really comes down to a bit of luck in stumbling on the person that wants to be part of our journey. Because we’re always going to be attracted to a certain type of people, we don’t need to seek them out. However, within that select group of people we gravitate towards, there are going to be a few that can provide us with the comfort we need to feel at home, AND also will work to give us the things that our parents weren’t able to provide.
We enter relationships searching for the love, attention, and admiration we couldn’t get from our parents, all the while oblivious to the fact that we’re looking for these things from the people that most resemble our fucking parents. The sooner we can realize that, the sooner we can understand what we need, what we are willing to put up with, and when we need to get the fuck out. There are going to be people that want to grow with you, and want to make you whole by giving you the things you need, but that isn’t something you should expect or try to force onto them. They have to find it on their own and then want to give it away. It’s beautiful when it happens, but rare because everyone will reach it at a different time. I think that’s one reason why relationships fail, it’s simply bad timing. People aren’t where they need to be to give the other what they need because they haven’t arrived at that point in their journey.
Full disclosure here… and I fucking hate this thought, but coming to this realization may make my life easier. In a parter, I’m looking for something I couldn’t get from my mother, from someone that reminds me of her. And that is fucking hard to say, because I don’t want anyone like her. I’ve swung the complete opposite direction and failed multiple times. But recently, I found this beautiful woman that feels like home, is dead sexy, and makes me feel alive when I’m with her, while at the same time inspires me to be more everyday. She fills me with the comfort of home, while patching up the punctures that had been left in my heart from years of neglect.
I look at it like this… we’re all a bucket full of holes. We enter relationships, dipping our bucket into the water. We feel content for a time because we found someone to fill us up, our bucket is full. But sooner or later if the people we choose aren’t willing, like us, to go on the journey to patch up the holes of our past, then the water quickly drains out, and the relationship fades. It’s rare to find a person that both fills you up and wants to mend your holes. It’s not a very elegant analogy, but you get the point. So, if two people can do this for each other, I can’t think of a better foundation for a relationship. If you can, PLEASE let me know.
257. if you love something
We’ve all heard the saying… “if you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.” But what if I let go of something I love, only to have it return and then leave again? How many times does this sequence need to repeat before it realizes it’s mine, and I don’t have to be okay with letting it go again? Because there is so much nuance to each individual situation, it’s hard to paint an answer in broad strokes of black or white.
Love can be complicated, not in the sense of developing the feeling, but that once discovered, that emotion doesn’t always have room to grow due to the previous responsibilities or limitations of the life we, or the people we have come to love, have chosen. That’s what leads to the conflict, and incites the saying.. “if you love something let it go…” allowing for the other to figure out what is best for them, and we can do that because there is no judgement in love. So, I guess there is truth to the saying, but at what point do we accept the magnetism? How many times does the world need to spin upon itself to bring two people together before they finally realize they need to stop fucking around with fate?
249. the ultimate connection
The ultimate connection has us linked together both physically and emotionally. Yet, there are still some people who continue to argue that the more emotionally open and available you are, the worse the sex gets. But how does that even make sense? The more open and honest you are with yourself, the more you can communicate the things you like and wish to see from your partner. Don’t read this the wrong way, carnal pleasures can be great, but they’re limited to their physicality, whereas anyone who has experienced pleasure driven by emotional connection knows that it can be some next level shit.
Study after study show how emotional intimacy increases both sexual desire and sexual libido. And if you really take the time to sit down and think about it, it makes sense. Truly great sex is all rooted in the same categories as emotional intimacy: openness, communication, and trust. Being able to open up so that you can communicate specific desires while trusting your partner isn’t going to think you’re strange or crazy allows for the ultimate connection. Knowing the desires of another and the comfort to explore them openly creates experiences that never stagnate, but instead continue to build upon the last.
Simply put — showing your emotions can lead to some of the best sex of your life. And while we may think that passion and sexual chemistry fade over time, does it really have to? I think that if we can let go of our fears, and stories that prop them up, we will be able to connect on that deep emotional level, allowing us to grow together with each experience so that we can have the best sex of our life each time we have it.
241. sustained desire
Unfulfilled desire will always be met with disappointment. It’s frustrating to be denied a raise or turned down by that person at the bar. But, fulfilled desire also comes with its own flavor of loss. In getting what we want, we lose the thrill of wanting it. The yearning, the elaborate strategies, the fantasies, and all the energy wound tightly into wanting are exasperated upon acquisition.
Sound familiar? It has too. Just think about the last thing you had to have until you got it. Now that you have it, you may enjoy it, you may even love it, but do you still want it? How does that want compare to the first time it crossed your mind? It is definitely harder to want what you already have, for the obvious reason of owning it. It’s the law of diminishing returns telling us that with increased frequency comes a decrease in satisfaction. The more you use a product, the less satisfaction you’ll get with each subsequent use.
So if desire is always more intense than its requiting, are we doomed in our quest to find the one? Are our attempts at a loving relationship destined for staleness for lack of longing?
It is often said that people only want what they can’t have. This makes sense from the perspective of buying a new gadget, article of clothing or even sexual conquest, but I think that logic breaks down when it comes to love. You see, we cannot own a person in the same way we own our iPhone. People, the ones who we make our partner, are not finite entities for consumption, manufactured in a certain form to fill a specific function. They are organic individuals who think, learn, and grow from their life experiences. This gives them the ability to continuously transform throughout their lives.
If not, then yes, trade that mother fucker in. But that speaks directly to the point.
Because you can know the in’s and out’s of your iPhone, you will want a new one. This isn’t the same for people, because unlike a product, people change with new experiences and grow with new challenges over time. They have the capacity for growth which allows them to continuously transform over the course of the relationship.
The problem isn’t that love is doomed to fail based on the loss of desire, it’s in finding a partner that grows in the same direction as the path you’re walking. In doing so, you will realize their mystery is forever ungraspable. And as soon as we can understand this, sustained desire becomes a real possibility.
outgrowing your parents
what do you do if you out grow your parents?
I was raised by narcissistic children. Both my mother and father were and continue to be victims. I never seemed to do anything right in search of the love I wanted and needed. How was I supposed to put into words the things I inherently needed but have no idea how to conceptualize? I’m was fucking child. I feel like that is the responsibility of parents, to provide concepts of love, comfort, safety, and understanding so that a child can become a strong and resiliently minded individual. Looking back, I never had that. I was their precious child and at the same time never allowed to be one. It fucked me up for over 30 years.
I don’t know if this is some magical time in my life but I am now older than my parents were when they had me. And I feel more mature than they are now and ever have been, so what do you do if you out grow your parents? How fucking sad is that question? This isn’t growing apart or distant, this is like taking the 40 year old self you’ve become and trying to have a relationship with your highschool self. How do you grow from that situation?
Relationships are only beneficial as both parties stand to gain some type of positivity from one another. Are parents supposed to be any different? I’m not saying to brush them off or disrespect them or never talk to them again, but if you are the sum of the people you hold closest to your heart, and your parents on their best possible day will never be able elevate you to who you wish to become, are you supposed to keep them close simply because they’re your parents or keep them at arms distance because they can only hinder your progress as an individual? It’s a tough question. And as always, there is no right answer.
I don’t think there is any justification for keeping anyone close to you if they don’t wish to continuously grow with you. It shouldn’t matter if they gave birth to you or not. People are still people and if they aren’t making you better they are keeping you from getting better. It’s really fucking sad because I wish I had a family. I wish I had someone to love like a mother. Someone to call and tell them how I feel and how good I am doing in life and have them be proud. Someone to seek advice from. Someone to talk to. But I don’t. And it’s sad, but it’s all part of my story.
238. thirty day rule
Based on the last 30 days of interacting with your partner, your employer, or any other relationship, would they bring you back for another 30 days or could they find someone better to replace you?
If you are honest with yourself, the likely answer for most of us is “No.” The way you’ve shown up over the last 30 days is out of habit, or fear, or comfort, not the excitement or passion that consumed us over the first 30 days.
You show up day after day because it’s easy. It’s easy because it’s familiar. You can zone out, and make it through the day on autopilot. You are present without really having presence. You’re there, but you’re not because you checked out a long time ago.
Think back to the first interaction with your partner, the first interview for that job you wanted, the first sparks of passion you felt for the commitment you now simply show up for. Think about all the excitement you felt during those first 30 days. Now think about how much of that person still exists today.
Would your partner or employer re-up for another 30 days, based on the last 30?
In speaking on relationships, Esther Perel says that “your partner is a lease, with an option to renew.” Extending that metaphor to the broader context of this post — the relationship, or career path, or any situation you find yourself in is not a life sentence. They’re all experiences we have controlling interest in. There is no obligation to keep going. If the last 30 days aren’t in line with the first what’s the point of continuously renewing. If you aren’t showing up with the same fervor or feeling as you once did maybe it’s time to trade it in.
232. the dance of love
The paradox of love is that it requires a balance between two opposing forces: surrender and autonomy. We can only find togetherness, if we are able to maintain our separateness. As Esther Perel says in Mating in Captivity, “with too much distance, there can be no connection. But too much merging eradicates the separateness of two distinct individuals. Then there is nothing more to transcend, no bridge to walk on, no one to visit on the other side, no other internal world to enter.”
In this way, love is a dance. Watch any dancing couple, you will see that much of the time they exist together as one on the dance floor, while they’re isolated from one another at other times so they can fulfill their unique movements that create the performance. Holding each other in a tight embrace, not moving, is only interesting in the contrast of the separateness and explicit movements that follow. When people come together — in a relationship or in the expression of dance — connection is no longer able to happen as there isn’t anyone to connect with. Thus, separateness becomes necessary to create the potential for connection.
231. hinging your tomorrows on yesterday
Not everything is meant to last forever. But the end of something doesn’t mean you failed. It more likely means the thing you’re after is failing you. Who you’ve become in the process can no longer be fulfilled by whatever it is you’re afraid to fail at. And in trying, you’re not opening yourself up to the possibility of something that can fulfill the new person you’ve become. You’re hinging your tomorrows on yesterday.
We have to realize that there is a distinction between what is worth saving and what is worth walking away from. But we all want there to be definitive answers, so we wait for absolutes, and that’s the biggest mistake because they never come. We’re always going to be at battle with “what if?”
Our decisions are always going to come with conflict. In choosing to walk away from old systems and toward greater possibilities, sometimes we also have to come to terms with letting go of what was great about the old system.
As I like to say, “there are no right answers, but there are wrong ones.” This life is about forward progress and momentum. If the situation you find yourself in isn’t moving you forward, or at least allowing you to maintain the momentum toward the life you want, then it’s important to periodically ask, “is this system serving who I want to become, or holding me back?” Pay attention to the themes.
The answers are never simple and choices will always be hard, but nothing worth it comes easy.