off topic: limitations
We all have limitations, disabilities, or insecurities that — whether we like to admit it or not — we rely on to “save” us from the failure of going after what we want. The unfortunate truth is that sometimes we don’t like something because we can’t do it as efficiently or effectively as we have seen other people do it, so we don’t. However, it you love something, you need to find a way to make it happen because that is the only real way you can leave your mark on the world.
For example, I love to learn, and I’ve found books to be the best source of concentrated information available. Think about it, it’s roughly $25 to gain access to years (and sometimes a lifetimes) worth of a persons research and firsthand experience, delivered in such a succinct and compelling way that it can fit into 300ish pages. And yet, I fail frequently to understand most of what I read whenever I try to look at the words in front of me. (Hell, it’s even hard to read back the things I’m writing!)
I see the words on the page, but much of the time I can’t comprehend the message behind what I’m seeing. Forming letters into words, sentences into paragraphs, and so on, in an effort to put together an idea the author is trying to illustrate is often a struggle. The message the pages are trying to convey is often lost in my translation of it all. Because of this, it would be easy to simply give up. Relying on the excuse that it is too frustratingly difficult for me to do. Or that this method is obviously not for me because I see that other people can read and understand with relative ease. However, if I let my excuse define me, I would be a different person.
After years of struggle I have found a way that allows me to learn from books, it’s not ideal for what normal people would consider “reading.” People continuously make fun of the way I “read,” but sometimes you have to do what you have to do, to find a way to enjoy the things you want in this life. It’s not always going to be easy but there is always a way.
159. just say no
We are often quick to say yes, even when it is accompanied with vague attraction, and apprehension. Not wanting to miss out. Not wanting to disappoint. We acquiesce. We say yes because we want to appease those around us, when in reality it is taking precious time away from the purposeful work we’d rather be doing.
Wasting time doing things we don’t like, to prove ourselves to people we don’t care for, and an expectation to get things we don’t need, will never serve us. We don’t say no because we want to be liked, or worse yet, to fuel a version of ourselves we don’t really even enjoy. We’re afraid to say no because we fear the consequences of being ourselves. Yet, overcoming this fear is the first step to becoming who we want to be. In doing so, we’re not sharing time with a version of ourselves we no longer wish to be, which allows us to redefine ourselves moving forward.
When you decide to say no, you may lose friends, and people will say you’ve changed, but that is the whole point of living. As we go through this life we are supposed to change. It is part of growth. To be who we want to be, we need the freedom, the time, and the support from people who share our passions, not take away from them. Don’t be afraid to say no, so that you can build the life you want.
158. take action
We all want to be recognized for something, to stand out for the work we’ve put in, the art we’ve created, or the ideas we represent. We want to be seen for the contributions that make us who we are, however that recognition isn’t tied to what you want, but what you do. The work, the result, and the identity all come from the same place — a place of action.
It is our continual practice of something that delivers a message to the world that we are “that” person. Of course, we always want the best results, but because there is no guarantee for success, it becomes enough of a reason not to act. The reality of the situation, is that success will never be realized without developing the practice. When we do, we can deliver on the process it creates.
Before anyone can become a bestselling author, they first need to be known as that person who writes (and most likely, a lot of it will initially be shit). Before someone can become a successful entrepreneur, they first need to be known as that person who is letting passion guide their life (instead of allowing fear dissuade their direction).
The best results come from starting where you are. From developing a practice, turning it into a process, and letting that process take over. It is based on our commitment to action, and that commitment is completely under our control.
157. well adjusted people don’t change the world
Don’t talk about your dreams with people who will try to protect you from heartache. The process to finding your limitations takes exploration, which inevitably involves failure. Trying to safe someone before they start can only stifle the process of discovering yourself and your capabilities.
There’s always going to be a reason not to do something, to remain safe, to stay close, to color within the lines, to choose avoidance instead of adventure. But remember, it took a dreamer without imposed limitations to create the very spaces you so dearly covet now. Without their ability to throw off the reigns of limitation, wrapped in safety, you wouldn’t be able to enjoy the bounds you currently find yourself within.
Well adjusted people don’t change the world. So, if you choose to share your dreams, do so knowing that they may be met with opposition, but that is no reason not to take the leap.
156. recognize the walls
We are a unique species, in that we build our own prisons. So prideful of their design, we strictly guard them with our beliefs and actions. Anything from a thought process, a dietary regimen, to a habitual routine become a way of life that we build walls around. Purposeful as it may be, it’s still a box many of us fail to realize we’ve created for ourselves.
Some of us can become so focused on achieving something that we completely block out anything that doesn’t serve the end result. It’s a gift and a curse, because while that laser-like focus will most likely deliver us to what we’re after, we lose the input that makes life what it is. We can get so locked into something that we forget that it was our adventurous spirit and curiosity that first allowed us to discover the very thing our world revolves around now.
We shouldn’t be afraid to periodically step away so that we can come back and rediscover the thing we love so much, seeing it with a fresh perspective, and perhaps gaining a new respect for the thing we so cherish in the process. The real path to discovering what we’re after, as Proust said, “consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.” We all need to reserve the ability to step away sometimes or else we will lose the capacity to see the prison we’ve created by no longer being able to recognize the walls.
155. be curious
We seem to have forgotten that we’re all approaching this life from different directions. It has unfortunately become easier to put a label on someone, than it is to entertain a divergent outlook. Sometimes we’re too afraid to see a given viewpoint through a different perspective simply because it challenges the narrative we’ve told ourselves about the world. Instead of listening, we’re quick to say a person is “this” or “that” without truly seeking to understand why they have a difference of opinion. But we forget the fact that everything we know to be true, is just a belief we’ve worked into the story we live by. Where we were once guided by curiosity, we’re now happily walking the path we know.
154. thinking & knowing
Some people spend so much time thinking about what is thought to be a good life, to actually create one for themselves. Others know what they want and go after it despite how it may be perceived.
Thinking is when you decide to pursue a career because you find the pay and benefits appealing.
Knowing is when you feel called to a profession because of an inner sense of purpose.
Thinking is when you decide to find a partner because it’s time to settle down.
Knowing is when you realize your destiny is inexorably linked with that of the person you love.
Thinking is rooted in fear. Fear of not making enough. Fear of being alone. Fear of creating your own path. Fear of failure.
Knowing comes from a place of freedom. A place in which you know there is no other choice you could make.
We’re never interested in the stories about those people who gave up on their dream to follow the rules and live an average life. We’re always enamored with stories of people who knew what they wanted and chased it down. This isn’t to say that you need to change the world to create a life worthy of a story, but that you need to stop thinking and go after what you know is right.
153. change your outlook
We are all going to encounter hardship in our lives. When it happens, we will most likely ask the question, “why me?” No matter what it is, it’s always going to feel unfair to be dealt a bad hand. It’s understandable to be upset, and we all should have a moment to feel the weight of the situation. But after that moment we need to muster the courage to answer our own question.
When something bad happens to you, and you ask yourself, “why me?” — the only true answer is because you can handle it. Instead of thinking you are a victim of circumstance or encountering a bout of bad luck, embrace the fact that this is something you can handle. Change the way you frame what is happening. You’re not unlucky, stupid, or victimized, you’re blessed because you have the ability to encounter this negative situation and come out on the other side, whereas someone else could not have dealt with the blow.
It’s simply a different way to look at your experience. Instead of being crushed by the weight of a negative situation, answering the question with “because I can handle it” will allow you to take it head on and grow from the experience. It’s never easy to encounter the bad parts in life, but with the understanding that getting pushed to the edge of yourself is where the growth happens, will completely change your outlook.
152. conscious decisions
People have a tendency to want to stay unconscious. They enjoy living under the illusion that they don’t have to take responsibility for the problems they’re unwillingly creating because there will always be a “cure” for every symptom they present with, so eating junk food and watching Netflix becomes a mindless act. Yet, a cure can never be seen through the suppression of symptoms, as it is merely a deferral to a future date when their way of life can no longer be artificially sustained due to manifestations of ill health, in both body and mind, brought on by years of unconscious neglect.
The reality is that the cure for a faulty way of life can only be found through a conscious effort. In other words, taking ownership and responsibility for your actions. Awareness is the quickest way to create change in disease states of the body and mind because if you are conscious to the burdens you place on your body, but choose to do it anyhow, you have to carry the onus of what you’re doing. You can’t pawn off the responsibility to your doctor and ask them what pill you need to take to go back to your unconscious way of living.
The tragedy of it all is how pervasive the unconscious mentality has become. The majority of people have a fundamental understanding of what is necessary to create health, yet find themselves at McDonalds day after day. I’m convinced that it’s not a matter of presenting people with more information, but changing the way they think, see, and feel about themselves so that they can make a conscious decision for themselves.
151. success
Success isn’t the result of any single attribute, it’s coming into alignment with who you are and where you choose to be. It’s the right choice at the right time. The right skill for the right part. The right idea, at the right moment, brought into fruition through a supportive environment. It’s the story we believe; aligning our focus with our purpose. It’s being surrounded by a network that adds value to that story by leveraging your weaknesses, and bolstering your strengths. It’s allowing a level of confidence to forgive yourself when you reach the inevitable roadblock; seeing adversity as a lesson instead of failure. It’s knowing that luck favors the ritual of having all things in order.
150. mistaken acceptance
Comfort and acceptance have become mistakenly interchangeable. It’s commonly thought that we can all lead greater and more fulfilling lives, if only we were able to accept the things we cannot change instead of allowing them to fill our days with concern, right? Wrong. That is the slippery slope of acceptance.
The vast majority of what we choose to accept, in an effort to preserve a level of comfort, is in fact malleable. Everything from our station in life, career path, relationships with others, financial woes, and even the limits placed upon a supposed disability are changeable. Yet, it is far more comfortable to accept them as they are, than to make a concerted effort to change the situation for the better.
Our belief that something is unchangeable, is simply that; a belief. A story we have constructed for ourselves to find comfort in the “what is.” We are constantly finding bias against the way things could be, and instead opting to find comfort in the way things are. All because it is easier to accept a situation we know, instead of stepping into the unknown to create a life that is far more fulfilling than the one you currently find yourself within. We’re all erroneously choosing to live within the bounds of the old idiom; “the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t.”
off topic: the quest(ion) for love
Life is said to punish the vague wish, and favor the specific ask.
Wandering ambiguously, I can confirm the punishment.
So with complete vulnerability I specifically ask to be shown the way to a person that I will want to deliver the following to…
What would it feel like to know you were chosen beyond a doubt? How would it feel to be seen for the full potential of who you are? How would it feel to be with someone who could hold the hottest fire that is your soul and turn it into the gentle warmth of a smile and laugh? How would it feel to have a partner to explore the farthest reaches of the earth, moon, and stars, knowing that no heavenly body will ever be as cherished as yours? What would it feel like to be adored for every touch, every look, and every kiss? How would your heart feel to never worry that you were too much or not enough? How would it feel to have a king fighting with every breath for the spiritual kingdom of his queen? What would it feel like to carry a child, knowing it was coming into a world filled with peace and love, deeper than any fairytale ever told? How would it feel to have a brave king willing to travel to the darkest corners of the ocean to slay any monsters left that could sting or bite you? How would it feel to be truly wild and free?
I want to live. I want to love. I want to share my world. Show me the way.
149. your brain doesn’t care about facts
Status is on the line in almost every conversation we have. Because the world we live in is just a projection of how we individually perceive it, we are consistently jockeying for position in an effort to establish the dominance of our world view. Sometimes, things go sideways. Generally, our first response is to assert ourselves by raising our voice and arguing, instead of listening to understand a viewpoint and then having a discussion. Provocation comes so quick because our brains are wired to take anything that challenges our worldview, as a challenge to our survival. A lot of the time, with disagreement comes the arousal of a warlike mentality. When there is war, someone must be conquered to protect ourselves or our ideologies. Facts and logic are disregarded because, while we have metaphorically entered a fight to the death, the brain can’t tell the difference. Once we enter this scenario, it’s not a matter of who is right, but who is going to win. And where there is a winner, someone has to lose.
Unfortunately, we have set up a situation where learning is equivalent to losing, which seems to be prevalent in our current political environment. As much as we insist that we’re only trying to illustrate our side of the equation, explaining ourselves is almost always a form of veiled dominance. We’re not trying to educate so much as we are trying to win a “confrontation.” It comes down to “here’s why I’m right, and why you’re wrong.” And, this is exactly how the other side sees it, regardless of how you try to frame it.
Research in neuroscience has confirmed this warlike mentality. If you show someone who holds a particularly staunch position on a specific topic evidence that conflicts with their belief, areas in their brain — as seen through MRI scans — associated with logic are literally shut down, whereas regions associated with aggression are lit up. As far as the brain is concerned it is no longer a discussion, it’s a war. The brain isn’t capable of processing what the other side is saying no matter how true, logical, or accurate it may be, it’s simply trying to win the interaction.
The first step toward progress in any scenario is awareness of the variables that affect the outcome. Understanding that our brains are wired in such a way that will make us see red at the first sign of contention in a conversation, can hopefully allow us to adjust our expectations and encounter better outcomes.
148. passions change, purpose endures
Most often we let our passions direct our path in life. We jump from one to another, mistakenly thinking the next one will surely be what we’re after, without realizing that passions will always come and go. Continually letting momentary desires dictate our path through life can be a fun existence, yet will inevitably fail to provide us with a life of purpose, which is where the focus needs to be.
Yet, in a world that changes as often as our passionate pursuits, how can you discover your purpose? You do so by discovering what is changeless about you. If one week you’re passionate about painting, the next about photography, and the week after that you’re into writing, perhaps your purpose is to express yourself creatively. Finding purpose isn’t simply something you stumble upon, it is something you have to uncover by putting the pieces together. It’s an inward journey, instead of an outward pursuit.
Passion and purpose are altogether different. There’s nothing wrong with exploring a passion as long as it provides insight to what gives us purpose. We’ll have many different passions throughout our lifetime, but purpose will never change. The sooner we can uncover what truly drives us, the sooner we can live a fulfilling life.
147. any road will get you there
If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will get you there. It’s not going to be the most efficient way to accomplish anything specific, but just because you aren’t sure where you’re going doesn’t necessarily mean you’re lost. It’s something most people don’t like to admit, that most of us don’t know what we want. Somehow to be seen as “going somewhere” you need to have a definitive plan mapped out. Yet, part of life is figuring it out as you go. Research shows that only 6% of people work in the profession they aspired to when they were young, and a third of people end up in a career that has nothing to do with what they studied in college.
it’s not a bad thing to not always know where you’re going. Nor should you be ashamed to be lost at times. Life is about experience. It’s about discovering the parts you like, disregarding what you don’t, and creating yourself as you go. As long as the direction you’re traveling serves a purpose, by satisfying curiosities, mending past traumas, and improving your quality of life, what more can you really ask for?
146. strokes on a canvas
Whether we realize it or not, each of us has an internalized picture of ourselves. It may not be easily definable to our conscious minds, but it’s there. This self-image is how we present ourselves to the world. It is the person you are. It’s built from all our beliefs we hold about ourselves. But most of those beliefs have unconsciously taken shape from past experiences, in success and failure, in love and heartbreak, in triumph and humiliation, and the way others have responded to our actions throughout our lives starting from when we were young. Each of these experiences paint one stroke on the canvas that becomes the “self-image”. Just as when a painter lays down a brush stroke uniquely changing or constructing their image, so too does each interaction we have become a part of us. We never question the validity of what is laid down, but act as if each part of us is justified.
All our actions, thoughts, behaviors, and to a great extent the limits we place on our abilities, are consistent with our self-image. We “act like” the sort of person we perceive ourselves to be. If the stroke on our canvas provide a blueprint of how we see ourselves and approach the world. We cannot act outside of the lines of who we perceive ourselves to be, in spite of all our conscious efforts to the contrary. The person who thinks of themself as a failure, will inevitably find a way to fall short in all situations, no matter how hard they try or how much willpower they stand to exert. Just as, the person who believes themself to be a victim, will always find the circumstances to invariably verify that opinion.
Who we think we are, doesn’t have to be who we are. With the right awareness, the canvas can change. We can’t erase the past, but we can create new layers that help us redefine the image we see.
145. searching
We’re all searching for something. Money. Status. Higher power. Significant others. It all come down to one thing. It’s mostly to fill a void of some past trauma that we have experienced, whether we are conscious to it or not. Or, perhaps there’s an instinctive drive inside that pushes us in a particular direction in an effort to fulfill some aspect of ourself we do not yet understand. Some of us are searching for the love we never had, in an effort to feel whole for the first time. Others are searching for the secrets of the universe because there is a piece of themselves they haven’t been able to define no matter how deep they go.
We’re trying to put the pieces back together, thinking we’re broken, without realizing that it’s the very awareness of the flaws that provide us the ability to improve. It’s the scars that give you a reason to reflect, just as the missteps give you a reason to redirect. There are people that drift along not understanding the reasons behind their choices, or why thins happen to them, and then there are those that become mindful of the journey and understand that things happen for them.
When we search externally for anything, we need to recognize that we are simply trying to fulfill some part of us. What we are looking for can give us clues about what we need to confront within ourselves, so that we no longer need the external validation. And once we have that, we can truly find fulfillment.
144. less fate, more destiny
Fate isn’t something we can avoid, it’s coming for us no matter how fast we run. Every decision we make leads us to the inevitability of the present moment. However, it is those decisions within the moment that give way to a future we can create. The possibilities are there, but they aren’t coming for us, we must strive to bring them into fruition.
When bad things in life happen, it is the idea of fate that offers us solace. We find comfort by saying, “it happened as it was supposed to,” or “it was meant to be.” However, we rarely take time to consider that we still have measurable control over the direction our lives advance. Where fate manifests itself in the moment, destiny is created from the choices we make in response.
In other words, we always have control of how we respond to the bumps in the road. Building a life you want doesn’t come from simply shrugging off the unfortunate episodes in life and saying, “eh, I guess it wasn’t meant to be;” it’s the result of taking something in stride, correcting course and reestablishing the understanding that you have the power to write your own future.
143. sometimes holding on is only holding us back
We can’t always get what we want. Sometimes our desires are simply unattainable. Yet, we torture ourselves by continuing the chase long after we should quit. We justify our resolve with evidence from others just like us; their stories claiming that with enough time and motivation anything is possible. Sometimes we delude ourselves by thinking that with enough gritty determination we will finally break through, but maybe we’re just too stubborn to see that sometimes holding on is only holding us back.
This is not an attempt to persuade you from chasing your dreams or desires, but if you continue to be met with failure on a specific approach, then it’s time to adjust your focus. Everyone thinks all they need is a little more time, or a little more motivation to finally tackle what they’re after. But what if that thing you’re after is just serving as a distraction for another more fulfilling adventure. It doesn’t have to be in a completely different realm; for instance, if you want to be in the NFL and you’re built like SpongeBob, it’s probably not going to work the way you think it will no matter how long you spend in the gym, but if you shift your focus, maybe you can become a coach or work in the front office. Similarly, if you’re looking to be in a relationship and the person you’re pursuing isn’t interested, you’re wasting your time by continuing to focus on that one person while there is plenty of other people out there.
We need to not be afraid to question the validity of our specific pursuit because that myopic focus can be the very thing that is blinding us to other possibilities and keeping us from actually attaining what we desire.
142. a life that matters
We all want more, and at the same time we continuously find excuses that impede any type of progress. If we all want more for ourselves, why don’t we do anything about it? Why don’t we challenge our excuses? Very simply, excuses preserve a level of comfort by keeping us in familiar territory. Whereas, any type of progress requires the discomfort of change in some capacity. Therefore, we don’t challenge our excuses because we are comfortable. We have a place to sleep, food in the fridge, and access to the internet. For everyone reading this, life is good. Yet, as good as it is, there is still something stirring deep inside us. Why? Because the goal in life was never comfort. We all want a life that matters.