364. your physique isn't the point
We live in a culture that constantly asks us to measure ourselves through appearance, weight, shape, size, and youthfulness. We're shown, over and over again, that the body is something to fix, refine, shrink, grow, sculpt, preserve, compare, and display.
After a while, it becomes easy to believe the body is the thing we are supposed to perfect. We start treating it as if it will eventually make us worthy of being seen, approved of, admired, or loved. But your body was never meant to be the destination. It was meant to take you there.
I know how easy it is to get pulled into the promise attached to looking a certain way because I've done it myself. For a long time, I thought my life would open up if I could build the right body. I believed respect, admiration, confidence, and love would show up for me if I could become lean enough, muscular enough, and visibly disciplined enough to make the work obvious.
And it worked, at least from the outside. I had a lean body, visible abs, and enough muscle to make the work obvious. But it didn't add any resolution to my inner life. It didn't make vulnerability feel safe. It didn't make my relationships better. It didn't make me more connected, more fulfilled, or more at peace with myself. Yes, my body had changed, but the deeper questions were still waiting for me.
That doesn't make improving the body unimportant. Developing a strong and capable body matters because it gives you more freedom. It gives you the ability to participate more fully in your own life, to have more energy for the people you love, and to build the capacity to work, move, serve, create, play, explore, endure, and experience more of the life you want.
Focusing on training and nutrition, at its best, expands what is available to you. The goal shouldn't be to become a statue. It should be to become more capable, to build a body that supports the life you're trying to live, rather than a life that revolves around maintaining the body you want others to notice.
The problem is that we can narrow our focus so completely around aesthetics that we mistake being looked at for being fulfilled. A person can use their body composition to reassure themselves that they're enough, but the reassurance rarely lasts because the real desire usually sits underneath appearance. Most people don't want the physique only for its own sake. They want what they think it will give them, whether that's confidence, attention, admiration, permission, or the courage to be seen. They want the feeling that life will be better once the body looks the way they imagined it should.
None of this means improving your physique is wrong. Transforming your body into something you're proud of can be meaningful, especially when it helps you feel more capable, confident, and willing to go after things you may have avoided before. There is nothing shallow about wanting to feel better in your own skin. Confidence changes the way we move through the world, and for some people, improving the body can be one way they begin to reclaim it.
Unfortunately, we live in a society that places enormous value on aesthetics, and whether we like it or not, that shapes the way people see themselves and each other. So, it's understandable that many of us lose sight of what matters. We start believing the body will give us the life, when in reality the body is only one of the tools we use to create it.
The issue begins when the body becomes the only place a person knows how to pursue worth. When every meal, workout, mirror check, weigh-in, or missed session becomes a referendum on who they are, self-improvement turns into its own kind of prison. What once gave someone confidence can slowly become the thing they're afraid to lose. Instead of using the body to create a fuller life, life gets organized around protecting an image.
At that point, the body is no longer expanding your life. It's quietly reducing it. The very thing that was supposed to give you more freedom starts deciding where you go, what you eat, how you feel, what you avoid, and how much peace you're allowed to have.
That is when the pursuit has to be put back in its proper place. It's important to understand that the body matters because life matters. It should give you more freedom to live the life you want, not become the thing that keeps you from living. A strong body can help you build a fuller life, but it can't become a substitute for one.
So, I urge you to get to your leanest livable weight, whatever it is, and decide it's okay. Because your physique isn't the point. You weren't put on this earth to mold yourself into a perfect physical specimen. As writer Glennon Melton says, “Your body isn’t your masterpiece. Your life is.” So stop worrying about perfecting your body and get to work creating your masterpiece.
are we wired for comfort?
If you read the passage on the "homeostatic impulse," the basic idea makes sense on the surface. There is clearly something in us that prefers relative ease, comfort, predictability, and familiarity. Routine lowers friction. Familiar patterns reduce uncertainty. Habit makes life easier to manage. That part isn't had to understand. Where I would push back is no the stronger claim that this is simply how we are inherently wired, as though human beings fundamentally only want comfort and resist change by nature.
I don't think that is fully accurate. If we inherently wanted comfort above all else and had no real impulse toward novelty, exploration, or expansion, we would have never made it out of the swamp in the first place. We would have stayed with whatever was easiest, safest, and most familiar. Human history doesn't look like that. We explored, migrated, built, experimented, fought, created, and pursued things far beyond immediate comfort. So it doesn't make sense to say that humans only want comfort. That's far too simple.
What makes more sense to me is that we are wired for energy efficiency, threat reduction, and pattern stability much of the time, but we are also wired for novelty, reward, challenge, status, meaning, and expansion under the right conditions. Those are not contradictions. They are both a necessary part of who we are and how we got here.
The subconscious mind likely does prefer the familiar in the sense that the familiar is metabolically cheaper. Prediction reduces uncertainty. Repetition lowers cognitive demand. Habits automate behavior so the brain doesn't have to keep solving the same problem from scratch. In that sense, autopilot is real. But that isn't the same thing as saying that humans fundamentally want comfort above all else. It's more accurate to say that the organism values efficiency and survivability.
The distinction that feels missing in this passage is the difference between baseline regulation and higher-order motivation. At the baseline level, the body wants stability. That is what homeostasis is. Temperature, respiration, blood sugar, hydration, and other physiological functions benefit from relative predictability. Sudden disruption can feel stressful because the system has to spend energy adapting. That part is true.
But at the behavioral and psychological level, human beings clearly do not seek comfort. We also seek stimulation, growth, competence, mastery, discovery, admiration, meaning, and progress. People willingly endure discomfort for those things all the time. Hard training is uncomfortable. Starting a business is uncomfortable. Falling in love is destabilizing. Leaving home is uncertain. Adventure is risky. Yet people pursue all of it. Not because they want comfort, but because they want something they find more valuable than comfort.
So the deeper truth isn't that humans are wired for comfort. It's that humans are constantly negotiating a balance between security and expansion. Too much instability and we pull back towards safety. Too much sameness and we start craving movement, novelty, challenge, or change. That feels much closer to reality than saying we're all simply wired for comfort.
A better way to put it would be this: humans are wired to preserve stability, but not to remain stagnant. We conserve energy through habit and familiarity, yet we're also driven to pursue novelty, opportunity, and meaning when the potential reward feels worth the uncertainty.
That also explains why different people chase novelty to different degrees. Some people have a higher appetite for uncertainty, risk, exploration, and stimulation. Other are more strongly pulled toward routine and predictability. Temperament matters. Life experience matters. Trauma matters. Resources matter. Confidence matters. Someone who feels safe may seek challenge. Someone who feels chronically threatened may cling more tightly to control and sameness.
So my issue isn’t that the “homeostatic impulse” is entirely wrong. It’s that it overstates one side of human nature. It takes resistance to change and treats it as proof that we’re fundamentally built for comfort, when in reality resistance to change may simply mean that change carries a cost. And that isn’t the same thing as saying humans don’t want more. Clearly we do. Human beings don’t move toward what is easy just because it’s easy. We move toward what feels worth it.
What is probably more true is this: We default toward comfort, but we are also drawn to what feels worth the discomfort.
348. why work more?
The other day I was at home, enjoying a moment of stillness. My girlfriend paused in the middle of her busy work-from-home day and asked why I wasn’t working. I told her I didn’t have any work to do. Without hesitation she said, “maybe it’s time to get another job.” She didn’t mean it harshly, but it gave me pause.
We aren’t facing financial issues. We live in a spacious apartment in one of the most expensive counties in the country. We can afford high-quality food for ourselves and our animals, and we still have enough left over for going out or traveling now and then. My work sustains my part in this lifestyle, so why would I take on more just to fill time? She didn’t suggest a hobby or some creative pursuit, her first instinct was to recommend more work. That response made me wonder how we’ve come to see work, and why our views of it can feel so different.
Her situation is different than mine. She doesn’t like her job, it takes up most of her time, and it still doesn’t pay enough to support the lifestyle she has. That lifestyle is propped up by her parents, who cover the gap. What struck me as ironic was that she has criticized capitalism and the grind that comes with it, yet she was the one telling me to take on more work. That contrast sharpened when I thought about my own perspective. I lean more conservative, working in an industry where outcomes are tied directly to effort, and yet I’m the one asking why I should chase more if I already have enough. That tension between us reflects something much bigger.
For most of human history, work was never treated as the centerpiece of life. In many societies, people worked until their basic needs were met and then stopped. If the harvest was good or wages were sufficient, there was no expectation to keep grinding simply for the sake of it. Leisure, reflection, and creativity were not seen as wasted time, they were the point of living.
The Greeks captured this most clearly. Work was considered a burden, something endured so that higher pursuits could be possible. Aristotle believed the money-making life was unnatural, a distraction from what truly mattered: contemplating one’s place in the cosmos, seeking wisdom, and cultivating expression. To him, flourishing came not from endless labor, but from the freedom to think and create.
That perspective carried into early Christian thought, though framed differently. Work was treated as duty, but in a limited sense — enough to sustain oneself, family, and community. Genesis cast labor as punishment, a consequence of Adam’s fall, while St. Paul warned that idleness was shameful: “He who shall not work shall not eat.” Thomas Aquinas added that labor was necessary only “by natural reason” to support survival. In all of these cases, the point was not to glorify work in itself, but to keep life in balance: contribution without obsession.
The great shift came during the Protestant Reformation. Luther and Calvin recast labor as a “calling,” where pouring yourself into your work became a sign of faith and a way to honor God. For the first time, labor itself was elevated as a measure of moral worth. This gave individuals freedom from the authority of the Church to mediate their relationship with God, but it also introduced a new kind of anxiety: when life’s meaning became tied to work, there was never a clear way to know if you were doing enough.
By the mid-20th century, Erich Fromm noted how deeply this change had taken hold. In Northern Europe, he observed, people had developed an “obsessional craving to work” — something unknown to free men before the Reformation. In a sense, people had traded one master, the Church, for another: their vocation. Along with greater self-determination came the insecurity of never knowing whether one’s labor was sufficient or worthy.
That anxiety hasn’t disappeared. Over the centuries, the religious frame has faded, but the expectation has not. The religious language may have faded, but the pressure to work never eased. Today, we still hear its echoes everywhere. Some voices preach duty in the form of hustle: wake before everyone else, work into the night, make work your identity. Others frame it as destiny: discover your personal calling, throw yourself into it completely, and let it define who you are. Either way, the conclusion is the same, work is the organizing principle of life, the thing that gives it meaning.
We may think of hustle culture as modern, but history seems to explain why her reaction felt so natural. She was giving voice to a worldview we’ve all inherited: that more work is always the answer. I guess I missed the memo! My work is enough, and I’m comfortable letting free time be free. She, on the other hand, may feel trapped by a job she doesn’t like and a lifestyle she can’t fully afford, so more work seems like the only answer. The paradox is that her critique of capitalism doesn’t release her from its logic, while my supposedly more conservative outlook lets me embrace a sufficiency that feels almost rebellious. It leaves me asking not why I don’t work more, but why we’ve been conditioned to believe that constant work is the only path to a meaningful life.
343. greatness cannot be planned
My take-a-way after reading, Why Greatness Cannot be Planned by Kenneth O. Stanley and Joel Lehman.
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We're all chasing something, yet very few of us truly know what it is. Influenced by those who seem to have it all figured out — CEOs, coaches, entrepreneurs, and visionaries — we idolize their journeys, believing their paths serve as perfect blueprints for our own. This perspective leads us to believe that greatness is the result of a clear, deliberate plan, but what if that isn't the whole truth?
The reality is, life often doesn't adhere to strict plans. True greatness — whether in life, innovation, or personal growth — is rarely the product of rigid objectives. Instead, it emerges from the unpredictable interplay of exploration, curiosity, and stepping stones we didn't anticipate. These unexpected discoveries, far removed from our original intentions, often lead to horizons we couldn't have imagined.
The very act of chasing what we think we want may limit our potential. When we overly focus on a single objective, we risk becoming blind to the detours and creative opportunities that could lead us to something even greater. As "Why Greatness Cannot Be Planned" argues, progress is not a straight line; it's a dynamic process shaped by exploration and adaptability. The stepping stones we encounter — the novel ideas, experiences, or people — are often far more valuable than the destination we originally envisioned.
So, while it's tempting to chart a rigid course toward a specific future, we should remember that the most transformative journeys are often the ones where we allow curiosity and the present moment to guide us. By embracing uncertainty and following the trail of what feels novel or promising now, we open ourselves to futures that surpass anything we could have planned. Greatness, it turns out, thrives not in certainty, but in the willingness to wander.
342. seasons ending
Life is an endless series of transition. To go from one thing to another, seasons must change. There’s never any complaint about the flowers that bloom in the spring after we make it through the winter. However, that awareness is often lost on ourselves. We, for whatever reason, avoid the challenge associated with change, and stay the same. Finding comfort in our discomfort, simply because it is familiar. Not until we realize it is us who control the transitional change within ourselves, can we see the bloom of the next season of our lives.
341. set sail
Change is hard because it comes with a necessary acceptance that who you are isn’t who you want to be. It’s a constant battle with your ego which is always trying to bring you back to who you are right now, even if it is out of alignment with what you say you want. It’s a safety mechanism keeping you within familiar territory. So, while your actions may look like self-destruction on the outside, they’re actually your subconscious working to return you to a familiar version of yourself, or a place where it feels most comfortable.
There’s a saying that goes, “a ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what ships are built for.” We are all on our own ship, possessing the possibility of journeying toward the person we wish to become. That journey requires us to embrace discomfort. To sail just far enough away from the harbor that we can throw out an anchor and sit long enough in a certain position that we realize it’s not so bad after all. And, then doing it all over again, until we arrive at the place where we initially set out to discover.
For systemic change to happen, progress has to be sustainable. It will require you to throw out an anchor along the way, reassuring yourself that the distance you’ve traveled — where you are today, while frightening new — is now who you are and choose to be. It will feel chaotic because waves of uncertainty will challenge your choices for attempting to break old patterns. It will feel unfamiliar because you are traveling outside the boundaries of the map you once used to guide your life. But you have to be okay with the discomfort of sailing outside the boundaries of the map you had for yourself so that you can start charting the new territory of the person you wish to become.
340. crystal clear
Whenever you try to implement change, a tension arises. The rational part of your brain knows what needs to be done, but the emotional part doesn’t want to do the hard work.
For change to happen you need both parts of your brain on board. If you only instruct the rational part of your brain you’ll have an understanding, but no motivation. If you only appeal to the emotional part of the brain, you’ll have passion, but no direction.
The rational part of your brain is the part of you that knows exercising before work is a good idea, so it sets the alarm nice and early. It has a clear vision of what it wants and the best way to get there, but unfortunately it’s a poor motivator. The best shot at getting your emotional brain on board is to be specific as possible about what needs to happen, otherwise the passion for change will fade.
“Lose weight” isn’t very clear, but “wake up at 5am, put on shoes, go to the gym, do 4 sets of squats and pull-ups” is a crystal clear instruction.
“Be more productive” is not clear either, but “sit down at the desk, open up a word document, set the timer for 20 minutes, and start writing all the words bouncing around in your head until the time is up” is another crystal clear instruction.
Both examples allow for small tasks to be repeated right after another, adding motivation to keep moving forward.
If it’s clear and easy, motivation and direction come into alignment effortlessly, allowing for change to happen. As soon as clarity is lost in vague statements, real change stands no chance.
329. seeking advice
We all want to make the right decision for ourselves, so we seek advice by asking “what should I do, option A or B?” The weight of the advice we receive will be influenced by the experience of the person we’re asking, however the problem is that what worked for one person may not work for you. There are many factors that go into the success or failure of a particular option, therefore we can’t take one person’s advice too seriously. Ideally, asking for advice should, as the author Derek Sivers explains in Hell Yeah or No, “be like echolocation — bouncing ideas off of all your surroundings, and listening to all the echoes to get the whole picture.”
No matter how much advice you get, you’re always likely to receive what worked best for other people. Ultimately, only you will know what works best for you in the end. The right decision for you may contrast with popular opinion, and that’s okay, because all of our individuals situations have personal nuances that no one else knows about. We all need to find our own way, sometimes that means making the unpopular decision, which may help us understand why it was unpopular to begin with, while other times, it becomes the right and best decision we could have ever made. So seek advice from everywhere, but do so with the idea that each piece of advice is simply part of a larger puzzle you’re putting together.
327. exhale
We’re all waiting for inspiration to strike so that we can finally do that thing we’ve been waiting for. But is that the best way?
Inspiration generally means “something that stimulates you into action,” and at the same time it also means to “breathe in.” Both meanings poetically intertwine if we think of ourselves as breathing in thoughts, concepts, and theories that serve to fill our mind with new ideas. Endlessly scrolling through our newsfeed, we inhale countless images, memes, quotes, podcasts, and articles, all with the intention to inspire us into action. Yet, no matter how much we inhale, the majority of us never get enough. We’re always looking for more, thinking that there is something else out there that we haven’t found, and will be the ONE THING we’re after.
Our capacity to continuously breathe in, and in, and in can only get us so far before we must breathe out. But it’s in that exhalation where we find what we’re after.
Nothing is going to be as truly inspiring as the action you take after exhaling all the new ideas we’ve gathered and applying them to produce the work or results we want — whether the endeavor is creative, financial, or personal in nature. In other words, the action we take is the real inspiration we’re after. It’s the action of exhaling, breathing out all the ideas we’ve collected and putting them to use. True inspiration doesn’t come from consuming new information, but rather from incorporating those ideas into the actions we take toward building the life we want.
We make the mistake of thinking that if we keep inhaling books, presentations, talks, tweets, interviews, and documentaries we’re going to suddenly be inspired into the life we want. But the funny thing is, constantly breathing in is actually anti-inspiring because it doesn’t allow us to exhale. We have to breathe out, creating intention with our exhalation, focusing on our output to achieve the inspiration we’re truly after.
Never stop consuming the things that interests you, but know that the inspiration you seek isn’t in the search, it’s in the act of doing.
325. confident
Everyone wants to be sovereign in their decision making, yet at the same time people want to be told what to do. It’s a paradox of freedom. I think this stems from a lack of confidence in ourselves and our ability to make the “right” decision. Unfortunately, very few people are willing to bet on themselves, passing on the burden of what to do, they seek direction from someone else, so if they fail, they don’t have to take personal responsibility for their actions. They become a victim of their own lack of confidence — an assistant manager of their own lives — waiting for directions from a higher authority because they don’t feel confident enough to make decisions by taking action on their own.
We can’t be afraid to make our own decisions and fail. It’s really the only way to learn what works for us and what doesn’t. Doing so will grant us the confidence to make decisions on our own. Every failed decision brings us a step closer to a larger victory, which has the power to build a little more confidence in our ability to positively shape our future. Don’t be afraid to make your next decision, no matter how small. Over time, these decisions will bring about more confidence in yourself and what you decide is best for you in the moment. There will be wrong choices, “oh shit” moments, and failures, but they are all there to serve as lessons to build confidence into your future decision making.
For example; failing to put money away for emergencies, or dating the wrong person, are both lessons that inform and create confidence toward our future decision making which will lead to us starting a savings account and figuring out what attributes we don’t like in a significant other so that we can be confident with the direction of our future. However, none of that would be possible if we didn’t have the confidence to make the wrong decisions and thus learn what they have to teach us.
Nothing quells anxiety like action and nothing builds confidence more than learning what works best for us. Be confident in your decisions as they will serve the future version of yourself and who you inevitably want to become.
321. titles
We can’t expect our past accomplishments to permanently define us. We have to continually show up and earn our title. No legacy was ever built as a result of a single achievement. Only by showing up consistently and delivering, time and time again are titles earned.
We like to hold on to old titles because it provides us with a sense of satisfaction without the burden of continued action. But those titles — the ones we wear proudly — required performing, not declaring. If we are going to march through life, exclaiming; “This is who I am!” because we accomplished something one time in the past, we are mistaking ourselves and at the same time being disingenuous to the version of ourselves that found success in the first place.
We need to be honest about what is past and what is present. if you’re not continuing to show up, then you’re not earning the title. So, stop fooling yourself. Get rid of outdated titles that you’re no longer earning because they’re giving you a premature sense of satisfaction that is keeping you from doing the hard work that is necessary.
320. anti-fragile
Imagine a champagne glass being shipped in a wooden box, during shipping if you shake the box too much it will shatter; that’s fragility. Now imagine the opposite of a champagne glass, something that doesn’t break under stress, perhaps you’ll think of a rock in the box. If you shake it during shipping, nothing happens; it doesn’t break. But the strange thing is, the opposite of fragility isn’t sturdiness or resistance to the surrounding pressures, it’s gaining strength under volatile conditions.
What gains from stress? Things like the muscular system, good relationships, immune systems, emotional health, and connected communities are all examples of things that grow under stressful situations. In fact, they need stress in order to change in a positive way, and a lack of imposed stress can even be detrimental over time.
The only way our muscles can grow is through the stress of resistance training (no matter how much anabolics you’re on). The bond between two people in a healthy relationship only grows stronger when confronted with challenges together. The immune system is only bolstered by coming in to contact with and fighting off things that cause to make us sick. Our emotional health can only develop in response to the full spectrum of emotions that we all have. Likewise, communities only seem to thrive under the shared experience of collected stress; just look at how the country, and much of the world, came together post 9/11.
So don’t run from stressful situations (unless it’s a bear, of course). Lean in. Endure. Make it through. Learn and grow from your experience as it will only serve to make you more anti-fragile.
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Side note: The world we’re quickly fitting into isn’t one that tests our limits, strengthens our resolve, or seeks to promote an anti-fragile version of ourselves. Everything we push for — from technological innovations to “healthcare” directives — only make our lives easier. But nowhere in nature does this encourage growth. It simply creates dependence on those who create the comfort. Continuing to infuse ever-greater ease into a system that is already disproportionately skewed away from anything uncomfortable and toward ultimate comfort will never allow us the resiliency we need to withstand our box being rattled, much less creating a situation where we can gain from our foundations being shaken.
319. actions are truer than words
It doesn’t matter what you tell yourself, or the things you espouse to the world. Your actions ultimately show your true values. Your actions reveal what you actually want.
We all say we want certain things — I want to lose weight. I want to write a book. I want to travel the world. I want to start over in a new city. It’s easy to say we want something, and it’s not wrong to want, however if those words aren’t followed up by actions to get you there, then you need to be true to yourself and ask; is this what I really want? Most likely, if you did want that thing, you would have already gotten after it, instead of merely talking about it.
Once we understand this, it’s easy to spot our true priorities. You can ignore what continues to be said and simply focus on your actions. It will show where your values truly lie.
If you say you want to lose weight, yet you continue down the same road, making poor decisions around your nutrition and health, it’s easy to see that you aren’t really in a place where losing weight is of the utmost value to you. If you say you want to write a book, yet fail to sit down and put ideas into words, then stop saying you want to write a book. If you say you want to travel, yet find excuses about it costing too much or not having enough free time, then stop saying you want to travel. If you want to move to a new city so that you can “start over,” yet you take no action towards applying for positions or looking for places to live in that area, then stop saying you want to start over in a new city.
We prioritize what we value. If we’re hungry we eat.
At a certain point, we need to stop lying to ourselves. Get clear on what you value. Stop putting energy into an idea that you have no interest in entertaining with action. Look in the mirror and ask yourself about the actions you consistently do. What are you doing everyday? What can’t you miss out on? What makes you, You? The answers you come up with are the things you truly value, and are what guide your life. All the other “I wants” are just lip service until they become part of what you consistently do. Stop wasting time by saying “I want”, if you really did, you wouldn’t continuously have to tell people because they would already see it in your actions.
318. embrace adventure
Many people are unhappy with their circumstances, but fail to take the initiative to change their situation. Conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, they mistake safety with solace, all the while forgetting that at the very core of our being is a call for adventure. It’s the thrill of discovery that led humanity to explore and conquer the world over. That spirit is still alive within us. It’s a reason behind why we cheat on our partners or make uncharacteristic purchases — anything that will break the monotony and allow us to experience the new. We’re simply looking for an escape from the rerun that has become our lives.
We’ve forgotten that the human spirit thrives on adventure. Our joy in life comes from encountering new experiences, not reliving the same yesterday over and over. Somewhere along the line we traded adventure for safety without realizing that feeling alive requires a threat of the unknown. This doesn’t mean we need to sell all our possessions and travel the world until our funds run out, but it does mean that sometimes we need to ease the grasp on our routines. Change the route you take home. Change the order you normally complete tasks. Change the way you approach life. Embrace change. Embrace new experiences. Embrace adventure. And never forget that genuine happiness will come from discovering new horizons.
317. don’t just sit there
We all came into this world with an unmatched level of confidence. As babies, we took our first steps, fell down, got up and fell down again. In the process, we laughed and cried because it was a difficult task, but never did we say; “Okay, I’m done with that. I’m just going to sit here, forever.” There’s no fear of failing, and therefore no stoping us. And so, we persist. We didn’t care about failing to walk the first, second, or third time. We kept going, in an effort to literally rise to the level of those around us.
As babies, we inherently do what we feel is right, unaffected by what others may think about our actions. If we don’t like something we’ve been fed, we have no problems spitting it right back out. If we saw the neighbors dog, our first reaction is likely to run up to it and try to play. It’s not until we’re old enough to comprehend the warnings of NO! DON’T! BE CAREFUL! that we learn about hesitation and fear.
It’s that hesitation that makes us stop and think about all the consequences of pursuing what our hearts desire. It’s that fear that keeps us from doing what we know is right by continuing to say; “What if?” It’s these ideas that can haunt our decisions for the rest of our lives, creating a lack of confidence in our resolve to relentlessly go after what we truly want.
All I can say is, we had it right to begin with. We have a choice to be unconcerned with anything but the end result. So stop sitting there and create the life you want.
316. too many possibilities
There are too many possibilities. For most of us, that’s a problem and the main reason why we don’t get started. So, when we’re staring into the infinity of the blank page, how do we begin?
Start with limitations.
For example; if I simply asked you to write a book, your mind would likely swirl through multiple scenarios without anchoring onto anything concrete. Now imagine, if I asked you to write a children’s book about a group of baby superhero’s who have a friend that isn’t super, but they all use their powers in different ways in an effort to convince him that he is powerful so that he fits in with the group — oh, and it has to be less than 27 pages — your mind would quickly get to work.
As soon as your mind understands the limitations it automatically starts figuring out a way forward.
For most of us, with our fast internet connection and empty google search boxes, we can find anything. There are no restrictions. And that is the problem. We’ve become paralyzed by the possibilities of what we can do, to the point that we do nothing.
Matthew May, wrote in The Laws of Subtraction to “give yourself some intentional restriction in life and you’ll finally get inspired to act.” It sounds antithetical at first, but restrictions can set you free.
315. questions for change
Not starting something because we’re unsure of the result is a faulty mindset. We need to be willing to try different avenues to see what works best for us. Stop searching for a guarantee before you start. Instead, get clear about what you want and be willing to try out different ways to achieve it with intent, because if you do — if you try it on for size, you can figure out what fits best — as opposed to the opposite which is wasting time waiting for a guarantee, of which there are none.
When you want something different out of life, think about the following questions before you embark on your journey and maybe it can save you some time…
What is the change you seek to make? Are you here to do what you’re told or are you here to learn and improve yourself? Are you here to make a contribution with that change, or are you here only to take something for yourself? Answering questions honestly is difficult because it’s all about the stories we tell ourselves. So, if we can figure out how to tell ourselves a different story, then we may be able to create a different life. One that is not only beneficial to who we wish to become, but those whose lives we touch as well. Some people wake up in the morning and think “how can I double my worth,” while other people think, “how can I help the homeless guy on the corner.” These are two totally different kinds of change we seek to make in the world, but both are change. It comes down to being honest with who you want to be.
What possibility do you see? People have been indoctrinated since birth to either believe they are entitled or not, special or not, that they possess the ability to make a difference or not. So, the question may be better asked as to whether or not you see possibility in the change you seek to make? Likely if you are confident enough to try, then it’s a yes. On the flip side to that is learning to see the world as it is. It’s easy to think we get to make the world the way we want it to be, but we don’t. And that can be hard. The world is the way it is. Learning to see that reality is critical and it changes our view on what is really possible for us. If no one has ever done the thing you wish to accomplish, then you might be deluding yourself, whereas if there is a well-trodden path you seek to go down, then you might be able to follow it and add your flavor. This isn’t to say that, if it hasn’t been done before, don’t bother, but to be mindful not to travel too far down a road to nowhere. Millions of people have studied the stock market, yet most of them weren’t able to turn into Warren Buffet. Millions of people have read how to get in shape, but most of them weren’t able to transform their body into what they had initially envisioned. Part of it is discipline, part of it is seeing possibility, part of it is deciding what kind of journey you want to go on over the next year or even decade and how you approach it. But none of it is for lack of available information.
How much emotional labor are you willing and able to expend to accomplish the thing you wish to do? Whatever the goal, it may seem simple at first, but you quickly realize that there is a difference between simple and easy. Losing weight is relatively simple, however its execution is much more laborious than most people are willing to endure. Change isn’t easy because it requires us to dismantle old ways of thought and stories that have run our lives for years, and try new ones to see which ones stick so that we can get the end result we want. It’s really about being comfortable with incompetence on your way to getting better.
311. questioning failures
Failure is inevitable, yet we are so scared of it that we’re willing to do almost anything to avoid it, minimize its impact, or completely deny its existence. In doing so, we only exacerbate our shortcomings by refusing to accept and learn from what a failed experience can teach us. Instead of retracting, minimizing or denying, it’s imperative to take ownership of what we have done, fully admit to our mistakes and failures, so that we can learn the lessons they teach and figure out how to prevent them from happening again.
A simple exercise in ownership comes from the book Sovereignty, by Ryan Michler, where seeking to reframe how we look at our experiences, he puts forth the following line of questioning…
Instead of asking, “whose fault is this?” ask yourself, “what can I do to ensure this doesn’t happen again?”
Instead of asking, “why didn’t ____________ do ____________?” ask yourself, “what can I do to ensure ____________ gets done next time?”
Instead of asking, “why am I surrounded by incompetent people?” ask yourself, “what can I do to surround myself with competent people?”
The first set of questions do nothing to improve the situation, whereas the second focuses on what can be done to improve the situation. The quality of our outcomes will be determined by our responses to the failures we will inevitably come up against. By taking ownership of the situation, and asking the right questions to move forward, we can make the best out of any bad experience.
307. process over product
Find something that allows you to be you. It doesn’t necessarily have to be something you love or are even good at. For instance, you can be terrible at painting, but the process of applying paint to a canvas provides a place to pour out the expression of your thoughts or feelings. You don’t need to possess any level of skill because it’s more about the process than the product. It isn’t about creating something tangible to be sold or hung in appreciation, it’s simply about the activity that gives you the freedom to interact with the world without judgement.
304. bad things happen
Bad things happen. And yes, they do happen for a reason. However, it’s likely not part of some divine unfolding narrative, but rather some random occurrence we’re caught in the middle of. The reason comes from the purpose those bad experiences allow us to see. It’s a realization that this bad thing — a job loss, breakup, or health issues — might not have happened if we weren’t walking down the wrong path. Whatever it is, the reason it happened is to provide a catalyst for change. If we allow ourselves to be vulnerable enough to accept the “bad things” that happen as simply things that happen, we can use them to make positive changes in our lives and not fall victim to these random occurrences.