303. speak your truth
How different would our live’s be if we always expressed our true feelings?
It’s likely that the trajectory of our live’s would undergo a drastic change, ultimately guiding us down a path more aligned with who we truly are and providing us with a life that offers more satisfaction than we could have ever previously imagined. And none of that is a bad thing, yet in those moments where we can present our authentic selves to the world we tend to shy away from any honest expression. Maybe it’s for fear of hurting someone’s feelings or being left out, or simply fear of the unknown, but none of those are good excuses to be disingenuous to others, and more importantly to yourself.
The consequence of not speaking your truth is going to weigh heavier on you than the burden of offending someone with your truth. The more you can present your authentic self to the world, the more the world around you will reflect who you truly are. So say what you believe to be true and accept what happens.
302. choose your circle wisely
We are the sum of the people we hold closest to us. If we aren’t careful in who we choose to share our time with, we risk creating a detrimental situation for the life we want. The people we surround ourselves with are either actively assisting and supporting our growth, or passively holding us back because their values are different than ours.
When hearing things like, “relax, you work too hard,” or “you can do it tomorrow” begin to weigh heavily on your conscience, it’s time to rethink your circle of friends. When you’re unsure if others are aligned with your values on the life you want, ask yourself the question: “when I spend time with this person or group of people, do I feel like I’m getting closer or further away from who I wan to be?” The answer may surprise you.
301. hustle & grind vs. hustle & flow
We mistakenly glorify the hustle and grind. Don’t get me wrong, we should always exude a measurable level of commitment, but wearing the ability to get by on as little sleep as possible as a badge of honor that symbolizes our work ethic or toughness is just a failure of priorities.
We buy into the idea of the grind because we want our hard work to mean something. We want all our discomfort and sacrificing of the present to pay off in the future so that we can finally enjoy what we’ve been putting off the whole time. But that is where we need to start — with the end in mind. Most likely, that thing we are hustling and grinding for isn’t money or fame, but freedom to explore what we love and the ability to be admired for sharing it with the world.
The unfortunate part is that a focus on the grind takes our focus away from what we should be fixated on, placing it on toil, instead of redefining the hustle. The whole purpose of this life is centered around achieving your purpose and your why. This means you’re so aligned with the effort it takes to get where you want to go, that it doesn’t feel like a grind or a sacrifice, but every step becomes an enjoyable part of the process, no matter the effort. It’s a perfect alignment of your purpose becoming the thing that drives you and directs your life. It’s having all your hard work deliver you to your why. It’s more hustle and flow than hustle and grind.
300. everything is not a test
We often get in the way of our own potential because we’ve been taught to see everything as a test. Instead of being open to learning from an experience, we’re solely focused on what it takes to pass the test. But the truth is, nothing in this life is a test; it’s all an opportunity to learn and grow. The sooner we’re able to understand that the obstacles in our way present a potential for growth, we can become much greater than those who only see life as one continual test to prove themselves. It’s the difference between allowing a situation to illuminate our weaknesses, versus hardening ourselves to the difficulties ahead; in the first situation we can learn from what we lack and improve going forward, but in the latter, we block all opportunity for light to shine on our weakness and thus stifle our potential for growth.
293. trapped by choice
In his book Civilized to Death, author Chris Ryan tells the following story…
“Years ago a man sitting next to me on the train in India explained how his grandfather had hunted monkeys in the hills of Calcutta. He made a small wooden box with a round hole on the side. Before attaching the top, he placed a mango in the box, then strapped it to a tree, where a passing monkey would smell the mango and reach into the box through the hole. But the mangos are too large to pull out through the hole. So the monkey faced a dilemma: let go of the mango and be on its way, or sit there, holding the uneaten fruit, until the hunter came along to capture it.”
The man goes on to say that these “traps” were very effective. But why?
It’s ridiculous to think that any creature would willingly hold onto something — therefore securing its fate — rather than to let it go. But much like the monkey, our actions are very similar. We often want something so much, it can become detrimental to us. We’re attached to how a person made us feel, or the promise of an idea. Whether it’s holding on to a past relationship, or the belief that more money will solve all our problems — these are just metaphorical mangos we’re grasping for. They are a trap, only inasmuch as we believe that what we’re grasping is the only choice we have. But at some point, we need to realize that holding on to what isn’t going to work is more detrimental to us than any pain it will cause us to let go.
It’s a choice.
292. excellence requires grit
Excellence requires repetition.
Day in and day out, repetition is necessary for you to be great at anything. Even if your passion and purpose perfectly align, and you completely love what you’re doing, there are going to be days where what you’re doing is reduced to a daily checklist. Feelings of boredom or frustration are bound to manifest even with the most ideal of routines. So besides loving what you do, it also becomes necessary to develop a gritty or tenacious mindset to make it through those days.
Without a bit of grit or tenacity to drive you through the boredom or frustration that accompanies every routine, you can quickly lose your way. Developing a mindset that allows you to bite down and make it through can save you a lot of lost time spent on distractions from what you truly enjoy and are bound to return to anyway.
So on those inevitable days where you don’t want to show up because you’re simply frustrated with the routine of having to go to the gym, sit down to write, teach what interests you, or any of the variety of things that align with your passion and purpose, remember to stay gritty and remain focused so you can make it through the day. In the end, completing the tasks you care about, no matter the frustration attached, will always be met with more gratification and therefore excellence, than succumbing to the temptation of breaking your routine.
290. stop failing, start learning
Stop failing and start learning.
We need to stop thinking in terms of success or failure every time something doesn’t work out the way we want. We didn’t fail, so much as we figured out that a certain path isn’t going to get us where we want to go. And with that tested approach out of the way, we can take a different path or develop a new technique that might yield better results.
We need to learn to embrace the moments that lead to learning, and not be afraid of them. Failures are inevitable with any endeavor, so if we reframe them or change the language of “failing” into something like “teachable moments,” they may not be so frightening to encounter. And because they aren’t as frightening, our confidence grows during the course of our journey instead of wavering. Each step, and misstep, grants us with more insight about how best do arrive at our destination.
289. filled with doubt
One of our ego’s favorite paths of resistance is to fill us with doubt. It stems from issues with self-esteem, and a fear of not having an ability to succeed with our endeavors. Instead of helping us rise to the occasion, it says “You don’t need this challenge, you are perfect as you are. It’s not you who needs to change, but everyone else.”
Said aloud, this sounds rather ridiculous, but believe it or not, this is how most people’s subconscious mind works in day-to-day life. Our biggest problem, as Ram Dass put’s it, is that we’re “too busy holding onto our unworthiness.”
In other words, our ego keeps us stuck in the safest possible place. One that never challenges, but always confirms. It is resistant to change because change means the death of a certain identity — a.k.a. our ego. But for any of us to build a life we want, we’re going to have to face the fears that our ego set in place — one’s of not being good enough to succeed — so that we can eventually learn what it takes to be good enough, at which point the ego that held us back will cease to exist.
288. intentional living
When is the last time you did something for the sake of doing it?
We’re all so caught up in a race to complete something, that we’ve lost the enjoyment of just living. Our efforts, if not strictly directed at gaining from everything we do, are seen as a waste of time. While it’s good to live with intention, what is life without the ability to simply enjoy the moments we have?
When is the last time you went for a walk to enjoy nature, without counting your steps? The last time you decided to truly enjoy a meal, without worrying about calories? The last book you read, without seeking some personal gain over those who didn’t read it? Or, the last time you did anything particularly enjoyable for the sake of doing it, without the desire for a constructive result?
None of this is meant to steer us away from intentional living, but that there is some truth to the old saying “stop and smell the roses.” We’re all hurrying to get somewhere and accomplish something that we miss out on the small things that this life is made of. Living with intention is great, but intentional living may be better.
285. one key element
Many years ago in the Arizona desert, scientists conducted an experiment known as “Biosphere 2.” It was a huge steel-and-glass enclosure with clean water, air that had been purified, nutrient-rich soil, and plenty of natural light. The idea behind this contraption was to create ideal living conditions for the ecosystem within. And while it was successful in many ways, there was one glaring failure.
As the trees inside the Biosphere grew to a certain height, they would simply fall over, again and again. At first, it was a confusing phenomenon, until scientists came to the realization that one key element was overlooked in the planning and construction of this idyllic environment. Wind. In a natural environment, trees are buffeted by the elements, namely wind. And they respond to that stress and agitation by growing stronger and deeper roots to increase their stability.
Like the trees, if our environment doesn’t challenge us, we’re destined to fall into a certain level of complacency. We waste a lot of energy trying to stay comfortable within our bubble, and in doing so, we fail to realize our potential. Our fear is rooted in the challenges and stressors that come along with change, but it is exactly those situations that are necessary for us to grow.
284. imaginary threats
We suffer more in imagination than in reality. It’s easy to overestimate threats that may exist with action, while underestimating the threats that come with inaction, when all those ideas are trapped in our head. We often let fear of the unknown control our decisions, so we settle for inaction because at least it’s something we know how to deal with. But if we are settling then we aren’t truly living to our potential.
To get over the hurdle of inaction, and overcome imaginary threats, a good exercise is to make a list of the worst things that can happen. Literally take them out of your imagination and write them down. Sit with them. See them for what they are. And then next to each one, write your best solution. In doing so, you can reduce the burden of what to do if this or that ends up happening. The biggest problem we have is the unknown, but if we write down the worst things our imagination can come up with, and then create a solution for each one, the unknown is not really something to be fearful of any more. That freedom will allow us to move forward onto something that may be more fulfilling than what we are currently settling for.
283. two journey’s
We take two journey’s.
The first is the Hero’s Journey, popularized by Joseph Campbell. It takes us from believing that we are what our parents or society told us to be, to shedding those ideals, and going through the process of uncovering who we truly are, where we eventually take on a new identity.
The second, is that of the Artist’s Journey. It’s what Steven Pressfield refers to as “bringing our gift to the world.” It’s the act of living our purpose. It’s the special thing we uncovered in the process of completing the Hero’s Journey that inspires us to show up in the world, and is what provides for the Artist’s Journey to take place. For example, if we find that expressing ourselves through the medium of writing is what allows us to be the person we want to be, then writing is what we need to do. The Artist’s Journey is about showing up in the world and using that special thing that motivates you to be creative or productive.
Think of it like this… the first half of our lives we are creating a vessel to be filled, and in the second — after we know what it takes to live with purpose and find fulfillment in our actions — we fill the vessel.
Both journey’s are of equal challenge and importance, but the sooner we can build our vessel, the sooner we can live with purpose.
279. saying no
Some of us don’t know what we need because we never take the time to stop and ask. We’re too busy saying “yes” to anything that comes our way. Maybe it’s because we feel obligated to say “yes” so we can be liked or feel included, but what if what we’re agreeing to doesn’t’ align with our needs? Eventually, those situations we so eagerly agree to at first, start to feel more and more like burdens over time. And most often, instead of coming to the realization that we’re in control of our decisions, we complain that other people are taking advantage of us.
In all our efforts to fit in and feel special, we’ve conditioned ourselves to automatically say “yes” without the benefit of asking ourselves whether the situation we are agreeing to is really in line with what we need or simply an attempt at feeling included or loved. We forgot how to put ourselves first. We forgot that each “yes” is still our decision to make.
That split second after someone asks if we would like to do this or that should be filled with a moment of introspection; “is what this person is asking of me, really what I need right now, or am I saying ‘yes’ out of habit, just to feel included?” The sooner we can get away from our automatic “yes,” the sooner we can leave behind any negative feelings of obligation that come with it. We need to break the habit of saying “yes” and take responsibility for our decisions so that we can figure out what we really need.
278. proving the process
We all want to improve some aspect of our lives. Most of our attempts come through the act of goal setting. Unfortunately, as good as goals can be as an initial motivator, they come with a downside of becoming useless once achieved. So we’re constantly tasked with setting new goals, which may work for some people, but for others, it’s likely that the continued sacrifice and grind of denying who we are or how we want to live to achieve something can take a toll until we eventually quit altogether. But there’s a better way to look at it.
Instead of goal setting being black and white, either achieved or not, think of it as a testing process. To see what works, what doesn’t, and what can be implemented into a longterm process of achieving, instead of achievement. There is no point in denying ourselves the things we enjoy or sacrificing parts of our life to achieve something, only to say we achieved a result for a brief moment before we revert back to doing the things we enjoyed.
The simplest way to achieve something is usually not the most sustainable or easiest way for us to get there, and that’s okay. The simplest way to achieve a weight loss goal is to severely restrict calories and workout intensely. The simplest way to achieve a goal of financial independence is to stop spending money and work feverishly. While either goal is admirable, the sacrifice it takes to achieve them likely isn’t sustainable for the majority of us, because simple doesn’t equal easy.
It’s better to use our attempts at achieving goals to figure out small things that we can stick with and implement into our lives, so that over time we can achieve what we’re after without having to sacrifice all our fun and enjoyment. Pretty soon, those small things we’ve added in, simply become part of the process of our daily lives, not part of a goal we’re trying to achieve. And because we continue to add those small parts in, we can arrive at the same end point of a healthy weight or hefty bank account while not having to worry about regressing or falling back into old habits.
We will be better off if we can reframe the process of constant goal achievement, into a process of achieving. In the end, we’ll no longer need a goal when our process is proven over time.
274. every choice comes with exclusion
Every choice comes with exclusion. Our ability to choose is valuable, in that it gives us the power to create our story. We weigh our options, then choose the best one for us in the moment. Sometimes the choices can be made fairly easily, other times they can be devastatingly hard. In either case, there is always a loss to endure. We inevitably have to give up on one narrative to allow for a chance at another to grow.
272. “wrong” decisions
What’s really going on when we’re confused about a given situation? Obviously, there’s a conflict between what we want to do and what we think we should do. Simply put, we’re always worried about making the “wrong” decision. But what if there aren’t any “wrong” decisions for us to make, only “right” ones? What if every decision we make is the “right” one for us in that moment?
If we can approach all decisions with this attitude, it will take up less of our mental capacity and cause less tension in our day-to-day lives. Ultimately allowing us to lean into whatever decision we make with confidence. And, in the end, either decision will provide us with the clarity about a situation we were previously confused about. In reality, the only “wrong” thing we can do in any situation is waver back-and-forth, deciding on nothing, finding security in stagnation. It creates no clarity, no awareness, and no need to make adjustments with how to continue moving forward.
264. average
The average person can never be successful because by definition they are average. It’s not that none of us wish for more, it’s that stepping outside of that wish and into the reality of making it happen is difficult. It’s challenging. And there is always a risk that the time we put in will not deliver the results we wanted. But the thing is, even if that were to happen, if we were to fail, we would just be right back where we started.
Average isn’t going anywhere. Only you can go somewhere.
Success can only come from the things we are willing to chase, to go after, and to fail at. The funny thing about that is, even if we do fail, we still learn something. We learn about ourselves, the situation, and what we can do differently next time to achieve better results. So in reality, any risk you take comes with a reward. But you have to be willing to step away from what is comfortable. That’s the only way to grow out of the average, and achieve the success you wish for.
258. hard experiences
Translate your hard experiences into a mission.
We wonder what we’re supposed to do with this life. Often comparing ourselves to those who seem to have it all figured out. However, it isn’t so much that those people have it figured out as they have used their past struggles, hardships, and experiences as a catalyst to create something meaningful.
The tough times any of us are able to make it through offer a unique insight about how to overcome negative experiences, or better yet, avoid them all together. For example, some of the best doctors battled and overcame specific illnesses, only to become the leading practitioners in their field. They were able to translate their difficult experience into a mission.
Any of us can do the same. And it doesn’t have to be as grand of a gesture as saving a life. It can be anything we’ve struggled with, learned from and overcame such as a weight loss journey or overcoming depression. Our tough times are growth experiences that put us in a position to help those that face the same challenges we made it through. So if we are struggling to find a purpose, use what you’ve been through to make a difference.
256. the longest journey
The longest journey any of us will have to take is one from our mind to our heart. From letting our thoughts be our guide, to what we feel to be true inside.
It’s coming to the realization that what is going on in our head is often influenced by the voices and opinions we surround ourselves with. It’s understanding that in our need to fit in, to be a part of something, to belong, we often compromise who we are and what we truly want.
The conflict that arrises between our thoughts and feelings should cause us to pause and ask ourselves if what we are about to do is truly the right thing for us. The sooner we can align our actions with our true feelings, the sooner we can live a life guided by our heart.
255. what fills your time
We start new habits with the best of intentions. Placing our effort into areas that will help us move ourselves closer to the person we want to become, but sometimes we lose the motivation that got us started in the first place. When this happens, the popular excuse of “there isn’t enough time,” always comes up. The funny thing about that is for as long as you held the habit, there was enough time to complete it.
So where is the disconnect? It’s not that you lack time, but your motivation waned, and that is okay. Not all habits are meant to stick. However, be mindful what occupies the time you previously spent on your habit of self-improvement. If what you replaced the habit with isn’t of equal value or doesn’t help you progress to the person you are trying to become then perhaps you should rethink what you’re giving up. For example, if I gave up the habit of writing because “I couldn’t find the time,” yet spent an hour a day on social media, then I am not making a decision my future-self will benefit from. However, if I give up the habit of writing because I wanted to focus more on making videos as a form of self-expression or the exploration of ideas, then that seems like a good trade off.
So pay attention to what fills your time. If the habit you currently have isn’t working for you, that’s okay, change it up, just don’t replace it with something that is going to waste the time it’s elimination frees up.